Bitch & Moan & Grumble & Groan (Part 1)

fat-pig
Yeah, yeah, I have nothing to say, but I do have plenty to bitch about. Maybe if I bitch enough here I won’t bitch as much IRL (haha, I’ll let you know how that works). It all started a month ago when I unfortunately decided to go on a Potato Diet because I had 10 pounds that would be really fun to lose. Didn’t really NEED to lose, because I looked pretty awesome, but wouldn’t it be fun to be ultra-skinny for the holidaze?

For 3 days I (& my poor dear abused husband) ate pretty much nothing but potatoes & maybe some coconut oil. It was pretty tasty; I was surprised on the 3rd day when potatoes still tasted really good. There was no weight loss for me or mine even though others on the diet were shedding a few pounds per day. Fuck. The morning of the 4th day I blew my nose & it was bloody as hell. Fuck.

I felt like absolute crap. Body aches, tinnitus, ocular migraine, everything hurt, bad. I felt terrible for a couple of days & I kept trying to catch a cold or flu or something. I felt marginally awful for a couple of weeks & then I started my period. Fuck. I WAS in the middle of menopause. Like 6 months into not ever having a period again. Nope, all down the drain & starting over from scratch. Fuck. Doubly disturbing since we had been using menopause as birth control. Yikes.

That period continued to fire-hose blood out of my twat at an incredible rate (tampons plus pads changed almost hourly) for another 15 days. I had noticed white spots on my fingernails a few days ago, but didn’t really think anything about it until I was googling how to stop the incessant bleeding & was told that I needed to use progesterone cream. I googled foods high in progesterone & found that zinc is the main facilitator of progesterone (or something like that).

Aw, shit, my fingernails (that not only had white spots but were also shredding at an alarming rate) told me that a couple of days before. So I started taking a 75mg zinc in the morning & evening & the blood flow stopped almost immediately. Well, not stopped, but hugely reduced. A couple more days of almost normal period & I started taking zinc 3 times a day & now am NOT BLEEDING!!!!!!! Thank Fucking God! I’m totally going to have some awesome sex this weekend to make up for lost time.

Don’t get me wrong, I had some bloody sex, but it just isn’t the same. I even gave a nice blow job to my long-suffering husband who doesn’t ever get them (poor thing). And there was sex, but it is a lot different when you have to put the thick burgundy terrycloth floor-mat down & hope you don’t bleed through it before the deed is done.

The Potato Diet didn’t just disturb my reproductive organs, it disturbed my whole physical existence. My whole metabolism. My poor nose. When I figured out that I had a zinc deficiency, I realized that it was due to a copper toxicity. I don’t really know what that means, but I have every symptom of both combined with feeling lousy and the holidaze & drinking too much & eating weird foods & I fucking gained 10 pounds. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.

So, now instead of losing 10 pounds that I looked fine having, I am a huge fat blubbery pig. And I feel like crap. The saga continues…

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One thought on “Bitch & Moan & Grumble & Groan (Part 1)

  1. Pingback: The Drinker’s Diet | TempestTcup

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