Introverted Girls (part 1 – finding them)


I am going to try my best to explain the introvert girl, but I really only have me and a couple of friends to go by. Keep in mind that I might be a special snowflake so YMMV.

I’m also kind of an extreme version; I scored high in all 4 areas of INTJ – 60s & 70s in all areas. I took an Autism Spectrum Quotient & also scored high (I’ve always scored high on tests, lol!) at 27 when I think “normal” is 16 & Aspergers is 35 or so. As a more introverted person I might see the less introverted as extroverts.

If I were typed by Koanic Soul for his forum (husband didn’t seem wildly excited about me sending pictures, so no go) I would probably be typed as a TT because I have a good-sized occipital lobe & large green eyes. This type is described as “sensitive” and monogamous and is protected from the rest of the forum. Also, another funny thing about his site is I have always used koans, I just didn’t know what they were called & I thought it was a OCD thing or something.

All that being said, other introvert females probably won’t be as bad as me.

So, where the hell are you going to find these introverted girls? The problem with meeting introverted girls is that either they segregate themselves or they are segregated by society, employers, etc. Like right now at my job there is a large office that houses all the office workers & then I’m put in a separate office (the only person not in the large office) so that I can “concentrate on numbers”. At first I was kind of hurt that they segregated me, but now I’m fine with it. Those extroverts in the large office NEVER SHUT UP EVER!!! Plus, my office has large windows. I win.

The introverted girl will be put in a position best befitting her brain – she will be in a secluded, quiet place cataloging something. She will be in the bowels of the museum cataloging pottery, not at the front desk greeting people. She will be in the back of the library, not manning the information counter. She will be in the kitchen, not the hostess at the restaurant. In college she is the girl painting in the deserted art building in the middle of the night. In other words, she will rarely be seen in public.

The introvert girl is the one that takes a book to the bar during happy hour. Or really, the one reading a book in public. In fact, this might be a way to get past her defenses; sit next to her & open a book & start reading. Now of course, with the ubiquitous smart phone, she will be reading something on her phone about Gut Flora or whatever is her latest obsession.

And she will have defenses! If you do find the elusive introvert it will take you some time before she lets you past her shields. If you come on too strong there is an equal chance that she will leave or she will cut you down viciously. Sometimes her introversion will be masked by alcohol & she might even engage! But she will probably not go home with you.

I think the best approach to meeting an introverted girl is to cultivate an interest in something non-mainstream. I’m wracking my brain to think of where these girls might actually hang, but I’m coming up empty.

Personally, one of my favorite activities is looking for strange books in the “metaphysical” section of Goodwill. You can find a lot of cool anthropology books from the 1970s before political correctness killed the field. I also look for really old cookbooks with pioneer recipes & old-time frontier wisdom. I like going to Asian & Mexican groceries to look at the offal (& sometimes buy, but it intimidates me!); I like going to mainstream grocery stores at 8am on the weekends.

I go to happy hour at very small neighborhood bars. This might be the easiest place to find them. A lot of times you might find them in a larger group of girls during nighttime hours; she is the one quietly smiling. Just look for the big-eyed girl who won’t talk to you. No pressure!

photo via trishwriter11


19 thoughts on “Introverted Girls (part 1 – finding them)

  1. Ruxman

    In terms of girls in my generation (Y) both extroverts and introverts are just as likely to have a considerable online presence. But their approach and intention to sharing their life online is different. The extroverted girl will have Instagram to release pictures of herself and other immediate facts about her life, twitter might be used in a similar fashion. An introverted girl might have a tumblr account where her life is shared with regard to more complex issues about the world around her, that take longer for her to create but that’s okay because she likes the time alone.

    The girls who are most responsive to me during the daytime are the introverts. I find it funny that extroverted girls will broadcast themselves as fun and outgoing yet they tend to shy away from the advances of a lone man. I think that’s because there’s a lack of a group dynamic that she enjoys feeding off.
    If an introverted girl was on an hour long lunchbreak or had time to kill I think she would go to bookshops, town squares, fountains, courtyards and in/around museums.

  2. TempestTcup Post author

    Oooo, I think you just invented “Introvert Lunch Game” 🙂

    I was single just after high school & working downtown & yes I would always be outside sitting in the sun on the square. Being a creature of habit, I would go to regular lunch places & sit in the same spot reading or doing crosswords, etc.

    So, when you leave your office for lunch for the next week or two just keep an eye out for cute solitary girls then keep showing up in the places those girls frequent. If they are sitting on one side of a bench, get their attention by asking if they mind & then sit on the far side of the bench, take out a book or ipad or whatever & ignore them.

    You have to get their attention because they will have everyone on “hard ignore” but then don’t crowd them or chat too much unless they start the chatting. This could work.

    You would need to scope out a couple of girls because you don’t want to seem stalkery to one girl. Also because it is a long process, if after a couple of weeks exchanging pleasantries you decide you don’t like one girl, you are already working on another.

  3. stressingoutstudent

    Definitely most of my friendships gave started with the other person making the first actual move. After that, being friends with such people are awesome. If people are willing to take the time to want to get to know my quirks, they’re pretty decent by my books 🙂 Great post.

  4. annesquared

    god, I kept wanting to hit a “like” button after each sentence in your post. I might be a little older than you but I kept thinking “yes!” to wanting that introverted job. I did make a successful career in sales – ironically – by marketing to the decision makers, not the people we were suppose to sell to – and was promoted quickly (thank goodness) into management. I can be extroverted in a business role, but in my personal life…INTJ!

  5. TempestTcup Post author

    Thanks! It’s funny because I didn’t know I was an introvert until a couple of years ago – all my life I just thought that I was somehow broken. I am really good at negotiation, so I have been pretty successful, but I’m really glad to have my nice secluded office!

  6. Red Pill Woman

    I want to know more about the introvert thing! Where do I start? And how do you know if you are one? Of course I’ve always considered myself an introvert and I’ve ALWAYS scored as an INFJ with really high scores in introvert but I don’t know if that is all that qualifies? And what does it mean? More info pleaseeeeeee!

  7. TempestTcup Post author

    It’s just where you live inside your own head a lot & it kind of wears you out to deal with some social situations. Whereas other people can mingle & make small talk easily, it is exhausting for introverts to do so depending on their level of introversion. There also might be some social anxiety, but not necessarily always. Google INFJ & read up on it. Just remember that everyone is different & everything you read doesn’t always apply.

  8. Dr. Faust

    We’re so similar. INTJ here and that personality type seems to follow me around the internet. Any of my new interests have flocks of INTJs involved in it whenever the subject comes up. I also scored a 27 on the AQ test. I thought of a good place to meet introverts. Chess club. The majority of people who are attracted to and succeed in chess are INTJs. It’s the whole “mastermind” thing.

    I feel the same way about my family as well. What’s the point? The worst part for me is that my family just doesn’t understand. They can’t relate that I’m different than they are. Unfortunately, INTJ is the least personality type for females. Plus they’re hard to meet.

  9. TempestTcup Post author

    It’s crazy how many INTJs I come across here on the internet – I think that we share a lot of interests & the Kardashians aren’t one of them 🙂

    I’ve never learned to play chess, but I probably should. My husband will play occasionally.

    Family, ugh. Strange thing is that I think a lot of my family is introverted (& some VERY extroverted) & yet they still don’t understand. In fact my sister who is extremely extroverted understands me much better than all the rest of them.

    Good to see you here – even after I was mean & stuck my tongue out at you on Bill’s site 🙂

  10. Pingback: Some Cool Posts About Introverted Women | A Northern Observer

  11. TempestTcup Post author

    Oh right, I forgot other sites might get some fallout – someone linked to one of my introvert posts on facebook & I’m all like ACK!!! I’m used to only red pillers. Are you getting any crazy comments?

  12. an observer

    As an intj with a 42 aq, i had little chance in the smp. Until an extroverted friend matchmade me with an introverted girl. Now my bride of twelve years.

  13. TempestTcup Post author

    That’s awesome! I’m so glad I found my husband (another INTJ) because it is nice to have someone that I can hang out & be quiet with 🙂

  14. Tatyana Kiseleva

    Red Pill Woman, I know it’s a year old conversation and I don’t know if you even read this but I still wanted to reply to your question “Where do I start?!”. For me it all started with taking “The Quiet Quiz”, the test under the same name as the book by Susan Cain. The book is very famous in the introvert circles however I personally found it hard to read however another book “Introvert Power” by Laurie Helgoe was a total eye opener for me. I read things about myself I could not imagine someone else have experience and yet there they were nicely and coherently spelled out in the book. So I guess that’s what I would suggest. Start with the test, checkout these books in the book store or library and see where it takes you.

  15. Astar

    I think your blog is so interesting! My boyfriend is an INTJ, and I love his personality, but rarely meet INTJ women. I was just wondering if you have thought about how being a “T” affects your femininity, and how you deal or have dealt with that? What is your husband’s MBTI? The general feminine stereotype is more “F” in my findings. But perhaps as an INTJ you are able to see the logic and science of being a RPW verses allowing your feelings to get caught up in the confusion of feminism. You have the ability to see past what society deems the “correct” emotions of social/gender interactions. Also its really awesome that you make bone broth and eat such healthy food!

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