Introverted Girls (part 2 – becoming familiar)


The main problem with meeting introverted girls is that they are more skittish than a deer in rifle sights. Come on too strong & she’ll either cringe in horrification, blast you with a biting slap-down, or run & hide. If you give her the nuclear neg, it will not make her tingle. Acting aloof to try to get her to approach you won’t work because she automatically puts everyone on hard ignore.

Frankly, unless she is pretty damaged, she will probably not go home with you if you are a stranger. Touching her first isn’t really a good idea either. If she is really cute, she has probably had her fill of extroverts dating her for a period of time & then dumping her because she isn’t the bubbly cheerleader type. She is probably pretty leery of your intentions.

Matt has the right idea: infiltrate her in-group. To make her feel more comfortable, try being a regular presence in her life to some extent. Whether you try happy hour game, lunchtime game, or church game, the main thing is familiarity. Sometimes there is a girl who fits this bill who is right under your nose, someone who is already familiar. This would save some time.

My suggestion would be to look around your daily activities & hobbies to see if you have maybe overlooked the big-eyed quiet girl. Maybe she works at one of your favorite haunts or is the girl in the back corner of the classroom. Maybe she is the one always looking at her phone so that she looks occupied. She could even be a family friend that you have known forever.

If you find an introvert you want to pursue & you don’t know her, the best way of getting her attention is to greet her and then leave her alone unless she actually talks back beyond the returned greeting. Doing this a few times will let her know that you are friendly without being intrusive. It will make her feel more comfortable. If you are in her presence without saying anything it will only add to her isolation.

Another good approach is to try and talk about something out of the ordinary, something that will spark an interest. If you try the stale “you’re pretty” approach, it isn’t going to work very well. Francis has an awesome comment on this: (btw, that entire post is great)

Also, I think the connect with the emotions is a big one. I managed to get a makeout by talking passionately about the Austrian School of Economics, a subject boring to 99.9 percent of people, but when you go on about “inflation robs people, the elites screwing people over”, the fate of the world, it can work, hilariously enough.

If this long, slow mating dance sounds like a lot of trouble, it is. The thing is that if you are able to start a relationship with a nice introverted girl she is a lot more likely to be loyal, stick with you, and not flake than your usual narcissistic queen bee type. The introverted girl is also much more likely to appreciate you “just being yourself” and will probably need a lot less game.

On the other hand, you will probably need to come from a stronger frame to be able to navigate the relationship towards the long-term. You will be the one that has to take the relationship to the next level, but your reward is that she will not question your leadership much & she will most likely be very low drama.

Also, if you are doing this to slowly game her to get a notch, there will be a special place in hell reserved just for you. Introverted girls are some of the last few girls in the world that still have a heart to break.

Disclaimer: Each person is different & the above doesn’t necessarily reflect every introvert girl. I am taking from my own experiences & I’m a bit of an extreme example. Introverts have varying degrees of introversion and/or social anxiety. Also, you should never take dating advice from a female, so use your own best judgment, lol.


11 thoughts on “Introverted Girls (part 2 – becoming familiar)

  1. TempestTcup Post author

    That’s interesting, I always had extrovert best friends in high school. They never lasted long but it was a symbiotic relationship in that she would run the show & I would follow. I needed a front person & she needed a person to run with her.

    I dated some extroverts, but they always dumped me after a year or two because they wanted someone bubbly. The only lasting relationship I’ve had was with another INTJ: my husband. Almost 30 years now. Oh except my family, of course!

  2. Ruxman

    I find a lot of girls to be pretty quiet after the initial open if it is in the day time. I juts have to kepp talking about something in the environment then perhaps link it to another facet of life until she interjects or asks a question.

  3. TempestTcup Post author

    I totally can’t think of anything to say just sitting next to a stranger & there isn’t even the added stress of potential sex. Maybe bouncing to another venue or doing something that you can do silently like taking a walk. Gah, seriously if anything ever happens to my husband I’m throwing myself on the pyre.

  4. Pingback: Some Cool Posts About Introverted Women | A Northern Observer

  5. Julia

    I’m also an INTJ married to an INTJ man – we’re not the same. He’s more extroverted than me and more “J” than me. But we’re very happy and complement each other beautifully. I personally don’t know how those with “opposites attract” relationships do it!

  6. Chris

    “Also, I think the connect with the emotions is a big one. I managed to get a makeout by talking passionately about the Austrian School of Economics, a subject boring to 99.9 percent of people, but when you go on about “inflation robs people, the elites screwing people over”, the fate of the world, it can work, hilariously enough.” <—This spoke volumes to me. I am an introverted person, and recently asked out an introverted friend to go on a date with me, and this is the EXACT type of conversation i'd have with her. I love me some Hayek, Von Mises, Bastiat & Rothbard. Oh yeah…end the fed! =) (I met her through a local political group for Ron Paul lol).

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