The Fringe is Fine

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I’ve always been on the fringe, never in & of a large group. Not that I’ve never tried to be an integral part of a group, but that I was never a good fit for any group. In fact, I beat my head against the brick wall of a bunch of different groups trying to be a part of & fulfill a function of the group, but it has never worked.

I’m not sure if it is my introversion that has hindered, if my INTJ “know everything; question everything” is off-putting, or if it is my inability to kiss-ass that has kept me on the fringe of every group. Even here at work I am in my own office whereas everyone else is grouped in another office, including the owner of the company.

Even with my family, I am not really an integral part. They always forget that I exist; I’m not sure if it is accidental or “accidental on purpose”, but it is there. I gave up even trying with them years ago. Don’t get me wrong, I attend family functions when summoned, but I’m rarely summoned except for the expected ones like birthdays & holidays. I’m fine with this now; they are kind of a pain in the ass, anyway (sour grapes, lol!).

Just look at this fluffy little blog; skirting on the fringes of the manosphere, but not in & of the manosphere because I have an inny & not an outy. There is no way I will truly understand the male mind because I will never have one. I like the manosphere because it has lots of excellent advice, is mostly very friendly, polite people, so I’m gonna continue to hang.

I like reading the red pill sites dealing with bettering yourself & better ways of dealing with girls because these guys write really well & can really turn a phrase like very few people can. They are oftentimes very, very funny, which I try to be occasionally, but I’m not incredibly funny like them. I think that men have a larger capacity for humor than females do.

I also read a lot economic sites & I am definitely not a part of that group because they are way smarter than I am on all of that money stuff. I am mainly about self sufficiency & frugality, as far as economics go. I am also interested in “enjoying the decline” & preparedness. I see the world unraveling & I take measures to ride out the storm as best as possible. But these people are crazy smart & I’m mostly merely curious & using their knowledge.

The feminine side of the manosphere is another pretty cohesive group where I don’t really belong. I’m not religious, have no kids, I’m old, & whereas I have given up leadership of my relationship with my husband & try hard to submit to his authority, I’m pretty sure their version of “submission” is a lot different than mine. I really like reading their stuff,  they have awesome rants & they are also very friendly & polite, so I’m continuing to hang there as well; I just don’t have a lot to add to the conversation.

I also skirt on the fringes of the paleosphere; I am mostly paleo, but not a frothing adherent or anything. And holy hell, the paleosphere has a ton of drama & in-fighting. I mainly eat real foods that I cook myself or eat at a few restaurants that minimally process their food. But if there is a plate of cookies, there is a good chance that I will take & eat one.

And I’m not complaining; what good would it do? This is just something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, and trying to figure out why it is so. Why do I even try? I think that I try because I want to be more social. It is easy to live inside my head 24/7 & I need to try to get outside my head & interact with others even though I’m socially backwards.

I also think that I am an extremely small-group person, like me & my husband small-group: a group of two. It is the only group where I have fully belonged & felt utter comfort. It’s funny because my husband is the same as far as not being a “group person”. I am his only in-group, as well. We just don’t function well in the larger world. We have very few peers because we have yet to meet anyone else like us.

So what am I going to do with all of this navel-gazing? I’m going to just continue on with my life & take it as it comes. I’m going to try my hardest to make my “group of two” the best group that it is capable of being. I’m going to socialize on my favorite blogs & try not to re-read & cringe at the goofy comments I leave. I’m going to be the best damn fringe-hanger-on I can possibly be 😀

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41 thoughts on “The Fringe is Fine

  1. YouSoWould

    You need to give yourself more credit lady! Being something of a natural introvert myself, I identify with a lot of what you write, and find your commentary relevant and insightful. I ultimately think I need to find myself a nice introvert girl to settle down with. With model looks naturally.

    It’s nice to have a bit of female presence in these testosterone filled, hairy chested corridors of the ‘sphere, although I do find myself chuckling inwardly sometimes as I watch many of the fiercest proponents of alpha aloofness send cutesy messages with smiley faces to some of the girls!

  2. Bill Powell

    Thank you for the linkage young lady, it’s greatly appreciated and this article is as good as some of the linkage posts we get on from time to time.

  3. TempestTcup Post author

    That is one huge advantage of being female – I can use all the smiley faces, exclamation marks & LOLs I want!

    Get her young before the world ruins her – the thing that will help is that if she has model looks & is an introvert, everyone will think she is stuck up, so they will move on. Also, she is the most likely to give a nuclear rejection if guys come on too strong, so that will work in your favor, as well.

    And thanks for the encouragement, it is such a weird feeling to try to come up with something to say, being a naturally quiet person, & when I finally do write something, it has rolled around in my brain for so long that if I’m trying to be funny, it doesn’t work very well. So usually I don’t try to be funny.

  4. TempestTcup Post author

    Thank you for all your articles – your site is my favorite. Like I said before, every time I go there the subject is the very one I have been discussing with my friends. You always have a fresh & insightful view on things.

  5. Bill Powell

    Well thank you, I really appreciate it. But there’s a reason I’m insightful, because I’m always drunk like Ernest Hemingway was LOL. Can you imagine the stuff he would’ve written if he had the internet?

  6. Stingray

    It is the only group where I have fully belonged & felt utter comfort. It’s funny because my husband is the same as far as not being a “group person”. I am his only in-group, as well. We just don’t function well in the larger world. We have very few peers because we have yet to meet anyone else like us.

    Well now then. You’re not fringe, you’re just like me. This is the story of my marriage. We have some friends that are kinda sorta like us. . . . but well, no. Not really. As long as you function well in your own world and it you two are happy, the fringe is a wonderful place to be.

    Come on by and socialize any time you like. I will do the same!

  7. Foolish

    I’m with you on the whole INTJ on the fringes thing. And the “accidentally forgot about you” thing. That can suck.

  8. annesquared

    It is very difficult to be an INTJ in the world, especially an INTJ female. I am lucky to have an INTJ female friend, the same age, with a similar background – she “gets” it.
    And your advice to the guys is right on the mark… yes, everyone thinks we are stuck up, and intellectual snobs. Only the brave or curious, or the ones that observe from a distance for a few months, that realize nothing will explode, and that we are truly kind, and have a great sense of humor… 😉 get the true benefit of our complete knowledge and humor 😀

  9. TempestTcup Post author

    I really love your blog; I just found it recently. I have this Saturday as the date to plant tomatoes, so I have to shit or get off the pot. It’s been cold & wet, yuck!

  10. TempestTcup Post author

    Oh, you’d make an excellent peer & thanks, I will!

    & I’m not really complaining, this is just something that has been rolling around in my head lately with me going, “hmmm, I wonder why?” & then a song will start playing up there 🙂

  11. TempestTcup Post author

    Yeah, it’s good when introverts stick together because then you can sit & enjoy an evening without someone constantly talking to fill the air. And it’s not that we are stuck up, it’s that we either don’t have anything to say or can’t decide which of the 10 things in our heads we should say. It’s approach anxiety from reverse.

  12. darlingdoll

    Thank you for the love Tempest! I love these posts and there’s so much good reading here 🙂

  13. TempestTcup Post author

    Thanks! I loved your work rant – it is so many of the same complaints I have. I finally had to get a small under the desk refrigerator to save my cream from disappearing. That stuff is expensive!

  14. darlingdoll

    Seriously, what is with the your food is my food mentality? I would NEVER eat someone else’s food without asking. I like the desk refrigerator idea though

  15. TempestTcup Post author

    I know, what would it be like to be THAT person? Like, “I’m the only person in the world (hum, hum) Oh look, some nice raw cream, someone put it here just for me! Yay for me!”

    Also, the desk fridge is only $67 at Walmart & you can get it in purple 🙂 After seeing my white one, a girl at work got a purple one because she was tired of missing food too.

  16. Stingray

    I’ve had thoughts rolling in my head like this for a very long time, so I know you’re not complaining. It’s just something that’s there, in your mind that comes to the surface every once in a while? I get that. I do have one question. You said, I’m pretty sure their version of “submission” is a lot different than mine.. May I ask how it’s different? I’m simply curious.

  17. TempestTcup Post author

    You write incredibly well; the words & the rhythm of your writing really go together. I have problems with that in my writing, so I really appreciate it when I see it done so spectacularly!

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  19. Eric

    As an INFP man, this kind of relationship is my fantasy:
    “I also think that I am an extremely small-group person, like me & my husband small-group: a group of two. It is the only group where I have fully belonged & felt utter comfort. It’s funny because my husband is the same as far as not being a “group person”. I am his only in-group, as well. We just don’t function well in the larger world. We have very few peers because we have yet to meet anyone else like us.”

    I haven’t found it yet though.

  20. redpillwifey

    I think that if we lived nearby, you and I would be friends. We could have a little INTJ party in my living room, and sit around drinking craft beer, watching cheesy sci fi movies.

  21. TempestTcup Post author

    We are only a few hours away 🙂 We visit Texas pretty often & used to live there years ago. I’ll let you know next time we are coming down – It’ll be fun!

  22. redpillwifey

    Oh! For some reason I was thinking you were out further west… yes, that’d be great! 😀

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  24. dana

    just wanted to lend a little female INTJ support here–it ain’t easy. like you, my husband and i are my “small group” and I blogged around the HBD and man-o-sphere fringe for a while. im sure there are lots of us out there and i’m thankful the internet has given us an opportunity to find out we aren’t alone.

  25. TempestTcup Post author

    It’s weird because I think that the online communities have way more INTJs represented than anywhere else. I think it is because we can socialize in our own good time, think about things a while before responding, & do it while sitting alone in the peaceful silence, lol.

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