So say you found the elusive introvert girl & have even had a word or two with her & you want to continue down the path of never-ending love. It’s difficult because she is skittish & tends to withdraw into her shell, but I might be able to give you a few tips for dealing with her.
It’s hard to write these posts because I’m essentially saying, “This is how much of a freak I am & I can’t deal with you, so this is how you have to deal with me, or leave me the hell alone.” But, there seem to be a lot of people doing searches for this info, so I’m gonna put it out there. Please keep in mind that all I know about introverted girls is what I know about myself & I’m kind of a worst case scenario as I am pretty highly introverted, INTJ, etc.
Text; don’t call. If you want to make me audibly yelp & drop my phone – call me. Texting is much better & allows me time to dissect my response properly. If you call & startle me I’m going to blurt out all sorts of vaguely inappropriate things & make a complete ass of myself. If you text, I will probably do the same, but a little more nuanced.
Have hobbies. On any given day I have a number of terribly nerdy “experiments” in process or I’m studying something that is taking all of my attention. Like tonight I’m starting a new batch of rice beer (with special glutinous rice!) and broiling & then simmering chicken feet for bone broth. I might get a wild hair in a month or two & paint a few paintings for the open-call art show during the holidays. I can’t have you breathing down my neck the whole time. My husband goes outside & builds things & does a lot of masonry (bonus points for shirt off, sweaty, muscles rippling, hubba hubba).
Be interesting. Whereas your introvert will be self entertaining, she probably won’t find you interesting unless you are. She doesn’t want to hear about your hair gel or whatever it is that boring people talk about, but she might be fascinated by the steps you took to rebuild that carburetor. My husband was into flying & skydiving & rock climbing & all manner of activities that provided lots of tingles.
Don’t be negative. If I can hardly handle being around people, I certainly can’t handle someone bitching constantly. I either go far, far away or it gets to the point where I want to (& sometimes do) scream, “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” Being overly upbeat & perky is kind of annoying too, but not nearly as bad. If you are having a bad day, it isn’t going to help you to vocalize it for an hour, but it will definitely bring her down.
Don’t touch her without some sort of warning. I have a really bad reaction to being touched without warning by strangers. I mean, once she knows you, she will be fine, but if it is the first part of the first date you might want to get her to touch you first by teasing & getting her to hit your arm or something. At least move slowly toward her when you go to touch so she has a few seconds to get used to the idea.
Don’t move too fast. She’s probably not going to sleep with you on the first date if she is very introverted. Hell, it took my husband & me a month to kiss after we realized that we were essentially dating. It’s the curse of the double INTJ couple, lol. If she does go home with you right after you meet, she will likely either be drunk or she will be fairly uncomfortable with the whole sex process, not to mention the whole waking up sober with a stranger process.
Don’t yell unless she does something really bad. If someone I care about yells at me I shut down completely. Like I need to go to sleep. If I’m not in a position to go to sleep, I go mute. I literally cannot talk – my brain won’t come up with anything to say. I might also feel like I have to throw up. Save this for relationship-breaking bad behavior because yelling at her may be a relationship breaker. If my husband yells at me for some reason, he has to coax me back into talking to him. It’s that bad. If it is a stranger or someone I don’t care about then I have no problem at all dealing a harsh slap-down.
Be decisive. Make the plans, drive the car, order the food, go to the bar to get the beer. She will be grateful. Whereas an extrovert will have all sorts of places to go & loves going to new places, the introvert might, but doesn’t really want to be the one doing the navigating & dealing with the servers. I can hardly deal with a new bartender at a place I’ve been going to for years; the ones that know me already have my order ready by the time we get to the bar.
If this all sounds like a pain in the ass, it is. Here I am telling you that you have to do EVERYTHING, and it sucks because if you want an introverted girl, you are likely an introvert yourself, so you really don’t want to do the same things that she doesn’t want to do, so it’s a conundrum. Here’s the deal though, you are the man & you just have to be the man. That’s really all there is to it.
If all goes well, she will reward you with pleasant, interesting, usually smart companionship & she won’t talk your ear off or be clingy. She will be equally fine with going places with you & staying home & snuggling. She will likely be very loyal because she has lived her whole life on the fringe & will probably appreciate finally belonging to another person.
Disclaimer: Each person is different & the above doesn’t necessarily reflect every introvert girl. I am taking from my own experiences & I’m a bit of an extreme example. Introverts have varying degrees of introversion and/or social anxiety. Also, you should never take dating advice from a female, so use your own best judgment, lol.