I’ll Keep the Pedestal

pedestal

Both Red Pill Wifey & Mitch from Apocalypse Cometh had posts on this post from MMSL forums & holy cow, I’m keeping my pedestal. I don’t ever want my husband to see me like this:

But something shifted down deep inside. Something that frankly scared the living shit out of me. In front of me, I no longer saw my beautiful sexy wife that was in killer shape despite 3 kids and pushing 40. I saw the wrinkles, I saw the sagginess, I saw the lumps and bumps. I saw an aging, crazy, bitch of a woman. And I was… just not into her any more.

When I first stumbled upon the Red Pill, I kind of pushed my husband to also take it, and he has to a certain extent; he follows my blogroll & wanders around the manosphere here & there, but hasn’t fully choked down the pill. After the initial push I figured that he has access to the info & he can take whatever aspects he wants & leave the rest.

I read story after story around the ‘sphere about how, once the red pill sinks in, the man is less attracted to his wife. He removes her from her pedestal & the veil drops from his eyes & he sees her hypergamy & shit tests & loses interest. The stupid thing is that she hated the pedestal & by taking her off of it he becomes more attractive & is everything she ever wanted as he walks away.

It’s this cycle of his love leading to oneitis & putting the female on a pedestal & kowtowing to her wishes. The more he bends to her will the more she demands because she doesn’t know what she wants; she just knows she’s not getting it. She gets bitchy & starts the shit tests & he bends more. When he has enough, takes her off the pedestal & quits bending, she becomes more attracted. Ugh, forget it – it really sounds like a huge hassle.

So, I’m keeping my pedestal. I’ll just have to be aware that I can’t be bitchy & demanding & try to run the show. I have to be the one to stop the ugly cycle. If I don’t shit test, he can’t fail my shit test (although he has gotten pretty good at deflecting them lately). I don’t run the show anymore either; I realized that I wasn’t very good at it anyway.

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33 thoughts on “I’ll Keep the Pedestal

  1. rmaxgenactivepua

    Thats basically what I say here

    http://rmaxgenactivepua.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/marriage-devestates-destroys-men/

    Women have to learn to build trust after they shit test, after they throw a fit or act illogical, & hold themselves accountable for their own actions

    Submission cant fix crazy, its not a magic catchall

    I dont think women are really illogical or irrational, I also highly doubt women are hard wired to shit test

    Theyve just never been taught how to talk to a man & hold themselves accountable for their own actions

    Its a form of learned sociopathy

    Expecting the husband to correct your behaviour & overcome your shit tests, is a highly dysfunctional relationship

    Shit tests & irrational behaviour is a direct result of being isolated from men

    In the exact same way men would be highly dysfunctional if they were isolated from women, in the extant women isolate & see men as aggressors

  2. Belle of the Library

    I’m not into the “red pill”, but I see a lot of logic in the arguments about keeping the magic alive. Just because we get to have careers and our money these days, doesn’t mean we don’t need to manage our moods and wear makeup.

  3. TempestTcup Post author

    I’m pretty mild red pill – I think a lot of the things some of the guys write about are pretty extreme, but I live in a very small city & things here aren’t very extreme at all. But yes, I do take extra care to look & act pleasant now that I understand just how important it is.

  4. Belle of the Library

    I don’t have a problem with the movement and actually find it fascinating. I can get on board with a lot of the milder ideas. There’s just nothing wrong with traditional gender roles.

  5. Pingback: I'll Keep the Pedestal | Viva La Manosphere!

  6. TempestTcup Post author

    Lol, it’s not a constant battle or anything 🙂

    We are old & have been together forever & I like being adored. I’ll keep it!

  7. redpillwifey

    You can try not to shit test, but little ones will happen… We can’t help it! But we can control the “Why won’t you buy me a new $10000 wedding ring, you don’t love me, fuck you!” shit tests. And the little ones are sort of fun to get shot down on. I get the eyebrow on occasion, to remind me of what I’m doing. 😀

  8. TempestTcup Post author

    Lol, “the eyebrow”

    Yeah, I try to keep the shit tests at bay, but the little ones will slip out. Then sometimes I just ask a question & he takes it as a shit test but I don’t really recognize it as one. I try to not over-analyze!

  9. TempestTcup Post author

    It was a great post! But still, when I read stuff like that post, it horrifies me – I can be pretty bitchy at times. I try to not be, but am not always successful.

  10. rmaxgenactivepua

    Erm, Im referring to the damage caused to him, when you shit test & behave irrationally, not fights …

    He might give the impression he’s shrugging it off, but in fact it causes him to become walled off & act aloof, resulting in him becoming distant, as he cant trust you enough because of your unpredictable behaviour

    Your shit tests are a major issue to a man, & you need to learn how to build the trust back with him after you shit test or throw fits or hysterically

    You have to actively build trust back after shit tests, he might not show it, but it is a major issue with him

    You have to demonstrate you’re doing something to correct your irrational behaviour & assure him constantly, if you behave irrationally

    Basically take responsiblity for your actions & stop relying on him to correct your behaviour

    Blaming shit tests on biology is unacceptable, it is possible to shut the shit tests down permanently

    Women with alpha’s rarely shit test …

  11. TempestTcup

    Oh, I really don’t do hysterics. I’m pretty quiet & introverted. What I refer to as shit tests are small push-backs. Like if he asks, “What do YOU want to do?” I might get a bit snippy & reply, “I don’t care!” Like, make a decision already!

  12. redpillwifey

    The there’s the playful shit tests, like smacking him hard on the ass to see get him to retaliate. >:)

  13. Keoni Galt

    You’re confusing the Pedestal w/ attractiveness and “husband goggles.” They are not the same thing.

    The Pedestal is the place for which a man places himself beneath his woman in all things, because he worships her like a goddess. He supplicates to her on high. He follows her every command. When she says jump, he says “how high?”

    Based on your posts regarding the relationship between you and your husband, I don’t think he’s got you up on a pedestal (or you wouldn’t be so in love with him. Women can’t help but feel contempt for men who put them up on the Pedestal).

    Husband goggles is a different thing. THAT’S what you don’t want your husband to lose…and if you’re respectful, affectionate, nice, and happy to be around (and put out alot) your chances of him taking them off are very small.

    Note from the story over at RPW, that husband took off the husband goggles after his wife turned him down for sex with nuclear rejection/emotional hissy fit.

  14. The Ringmistress

    I think that there are fitness tests and FITNESS TESTS.

    One is a healthy sonar ping in the relationship. She sends out a ping, gets a proper response, and keeps on sailing on the right course. In an aware woman, it can be playful. She learns to keep her emotions on a safety valve do that they don’t bottle up and explode, develops signals fir when she needs comfort, and checks the boundaries every so often to make sure they’re still there. She develops kindness so that when she does detect weakness she doesn’t go nuclear but instead supports her man in the temporary downtime.

    And then there are three nuclear reactions. These exist because either she had a) been spoiled by get upbringing it her spouse, or b) there has been a massive loss of trust. It’s a fear reaction. Witness kids when they suspect one of the parents is weak. They test the hell out of them. Because they’re scared. If they can’t depend on Mom, they’re on their own. Panic. If Mom fails enough tests, they become brats.

    I think in the case of the MMSL forum post, the blowup was probably a good thing in the long run. It’s early days in this part of his MAP. He’s started changing things up and it’s disturbed the equilibrium. She’s reacting to the change. He handled it perfectly. She will be a better woman and he a better man if they can learn from this without letting it become a pattern. Because that is what marriage is for. We each let go if our selfish inclinations and become better people for it. He is letting go of the desire to either slack or quit, and is instead opting for leadership. She has learned that she can’t rule him with volatile emotions. I doubt it will be the last fight, but if he holds his ground, they’ll be milder, less frequent, and eventually settle into playful pinging as she adjusts to the new equilibrium.

    It’s in fact just like parenting. All behavior modification has an expected period of blowback before the new regime is accepted. The child, or wife, will test the new rules. If they hold, she’ll settle in fast. If they waver, she’ll keep on testing.

  15. Peregrine John

    Keoni, you beat me to it. But you said it better than I would have, so I’m kind of happy about that.

    Listen, girls: The “red pill” is nothing more than seeing reality. As stories show – including that one – you only have to fear reality when it sucks. Or when you do. Or when you won’t, savvy? You despise a servile man, but love one who takes care of you, who sees who you are even while wearing “husband goggles” (what an awesome phrase). How many of these men, in any of the stories, left their wives after cluing in to what was really going on? How many women leave because they themselves insist on an unreality that dissatisfies?

    No. In story after story they are not less attracted to their wives. They are disgusted by the pointless destruction wrought by an idiotic society, and the slavish following of it by one he hoped wasn’t a nearly mindless sheep. She’s demonstrated her lack of attraction to him, or he wouldn’t be bothering to look for a solution – no problem, no need to look. Consider the instances when he walks away… if you can find them.

  16. TempestTcup Post author

    There might be a tiny pedestal there 🙂

    Husband goggles are an awesome thing! My husband doesn’t have to use dread on me – all I have to do is read another “Cautionary Tale”.

  17. TempestTcup Post author

    Wow, excellent comment! I definitely try to not FITNESS TEST, but the occasional eye roll does escape. I do try to keep them to a minimum, though.

  18. TempestTcup Post author

    “She’s demonstrated her lack of attraction to him, or he wouldn’t be bothering to look for a solution – no problem, no need to look.”

    Interesting – I think I just figured out why my husband didn’t fully take the red pill; I took it for him. When I quit shit testing & let him know I was always available to him, he no longer had a problem & no longer needed to look for a solution. (not that I know that he had a problem or anything; just thinking out loud, lol).

  19. Peregrine John

    Just to be clear (I was in the throes of a fever and not remotely at my most lucid or cogent, above), the key difference between what you fear in the original post and what happened in the Cautionary Tale is the presence of this:

    “It all came rushing back. All of it, flowing over me like a tidal wave of emotion, lust, and joy. In front of me wasn’t a dumpy aging wife. In front of me was a goddess, radiant, erotic, and shining with energy.
    I got my wife back that night, and I made my choice.”

    What happened? She pushed him away, as she doubtless had so many times, but due to his newly awakened state she succeeded. (In the immortal words of Homer: D’oh!) If bad behavior having consequences is the worst to fear from a dose of a metaphorical pill, everyone should get themselves a long-term prescription. In an equal and opposite reaction, she shoved herself off the pedestal. This is what writers call “poetic justice.” Yet when she returned to him, actually returned to him instead of posturing or negotiating like a petulant adolescent, he was there, as loving and responsive as ever. If she had left permanently, he had already considered options for his doing the same. Let me be more concise:

    He was cold because his wife was not there to respond to. When she returned, so did he. Simple as that. This is who we are.

  20. Pingback: The Weapon | Alpha Is Assumed

  21. LostSailor

    I read story after story around the ‘sphere about how, once the red pill sinks in, the man is less attracted to his wife. He removes her from her pedestal & the veil drops from his eyes & he sees her hypergamy & shit tests & loses interest.

    I don’t think it’s a matter of a Red Pill husband losing interest or becoming less attracted to his wife. Seeing her realistically off the pedestal doesn’t mean she’s less attractive or of less interest to him, but hopefully allows him to employ Red Pill advice to increase her attraction to him, which in turn increases his attraction to her (guys dig chicks that dig them, usually).

    The lesson from the post RPW quoted isn’t that you want to stay on the pedestal, but more that a man starting down the rabbit hole after the Red Pill needs to learn balance. He was working Athol Kay’s MAP and seeing results, but he pushed it too far. And he admitted he pushed it too far and the result scared him.

    It’s not really a cycle of love>oneitis>pedestalization>kowtowing>lost-attraction>Red-Pill>depedestalization>more attraction>more sexy-time. If that linear progression happens, and is tended you have happy marriage and no more cycle. Of course if you interrupt that progression and remove the Red Pill, it continues as unhaaaappiness>contempt>male-begging>divorce and it may repeat with another woman.

    I understand the desire to keep the pedestal, but perhaps make it a short step-stool, not an extension ladder…

  22. TempestTcup Post author

    It’s not the pedestal I want to keep, it’s just that I’m fine if he doesn’t go full-blown red pill. If he wants to, then he will, and that’s fine, but so many of the red pill ladies want their husbands to go more & more alpha. I’m fine with my relationship right now – he is “alpha enough” 🙂

  23. LostSailor

    Everybody’s different and so is every relationship. Since you two have been together for a while, it may very well be a little Red Pill is enough. I don’t really identify with a lot of parts of the manosphere: While I date and use Game to increase my success, I’m not a PUA. Nor can I really get behind the MRA or MGTOW folks. Hey, if it works for them, that’s great. I’ve taken the parts of Game that work for me and leave the rest.

    The real caution in the Cautionary Tale is that one (especially men) needs to calibrate the application of new-found Red Pill knowledge to the individual relationship and be aware of the potential dangers of going overboard.

    But it sounds like you guys r doin’ it rite…

  24. TempestTcup Post author

    Basically the only thing that has changed in our relationship is that since I try to quell the bitchiness & shit tests, he has gotten a little more alpha.

    Oh yeah, that & a lot more blowjobs 😀

  25. rmaxgenactivepua

    “I can be pretty bitchy at times”, these are shit tests, this is what I was referring in my initial comments at

    https://tempesttcup.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/ill-keep-the-pedestal/comment-page-1/#comment-792

    You’re snappy comebacks arent really shit tests, theyre more trying to instill authority in him, ie you’re letting him know he needs to dominate & be more assertive …

    Except you cant teach somebody how to be assertive, by picking at his insecurity with snappy comebacks

    You basically need to teach yourself how to avoid being bitchy & stop making snappy comebacks

    Let the guy lead, if he sounds undecisive, avoid saying anything & he’ll decide on the spot

    Yes you’re hamster’ll try to run evasive maneuveres, in the exact same way it tried in your initial response to my comments …

    Seriously stop responding to him when he’s being undecisive & learn to build his ego & security back up, so he can lead you in the relationship

    Being bitchy & snappy comebacks, are signs of a dysfunctional relationship, as I said before women stop making bitch remarks & snappy comebacks to alpha’s …

    Start treating him like an alpha & he’ll become an alpha, its that simple

  26. TempestTcup Post author

    Hahaha! Well, maybe not an actual tingle, but sometimes when I look at him & he’s working on something in a t-shirt, Levis & work boots (or one of the loud-ass Hawaiian shirts he loves) my heart does go pitty-pat.

    There might actually be some tingle (a stirring in the loins, perhaps?) going on too. He’s super hot!

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