Be Nice – Just Be Yourself


Have you ever wondered why your mother, sisters, cousins, and the chick that has friend-zoned you told you to be nice & just be yourself? I do. It’s because they have no desire to be attracted to you & they want you to be nice TO THEM & just be yourself TO THEM.

They really have no use for a son, brother, cousin who calls them out on their bad behavior & refuses to kowtow to their every whim. They need someone to help them move, run errands for them, and buy them stuff. They need you to listen to their complaints. They need you to unclog their drains.

The girls who friend-zone you & tell you that you will make some (other) girl a great boyfriend? They want you to be nice & just be yourself so that they can cry on your shoulder when their bad boy doesn’t call or dumps them. They want your male opinion on how to make their bad boy keep calling.

Besides, if you were to wise up, quit being nice & start being a better version of yourself, you would be too busy dating or spending time with a girlfriend to cater to all of the women in your life that you are not having sex with.


25 thoughts on “Be Nice – Just Be Yourself

  1. The Ringmistress

    There’s some truth to this. But giving the benefit of the doubt to persons giving such advice, perhaps the sincere ones are saying “don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.”

    About the girls who sandbag their intelligence because “guys don’t like smart girls.” My sister actively sabotaged get grades in school because she was part of the “pretty” crowd. Eventually, it wears on you, and the effort if being someone you’re not gets old. And you can tell when a guy is playing a role. There’s no room for intimacy because there’s this nice wall between the public persona and the “real” guy.

    The problem is “just be yourself” is terrible advice if it means “stay lazy, don’t make an effort to improve, don’t grow.” But it can be exactly the right thing if it means “own your interests and hobbies, be the best version of you that you can be.”

    My husband didn’t go from a total nerd to pack leader by dropping Dungeons & Dragons and trying to be athletic. He just stopped apologizing for who he was. And then sought to add more to himself on top of what he already had. He was himself. Just more confident and less needy.

    Now, be nice? Can’t argue with you there at all.

  2. TempestTcup Post author

    Thing is that confident guys don’t ever have to ask for advice on girls & therefore aren’t told to just be themselves. It’s the poor dumb needy guys that are given this terrible advice. Ugh, and nice guys make me cringe, but polite guys don’t. I think the difference is confidence. Confidence is everything.

    And yeah, never play a role, but I do believe in fake it until you make it. If you act more confident you have a much better chance of becoming more confident (just don’t over do it because, yikes!).

    Hey, you should come play with us at Girls Being Girls, or are you there & I just missed you?

  3. deti

    Actually, Mom and sisters tell sons and brothers to “just be nice; be yourself” because Alpha is assumed. They simply assume their son/brother has what it takes to attract girls because, well, he’s their kin. He’ll do fine just as long as he’s nice, kind and affable. This is what women want from men they find attractive. Men who aren’t attractive are invisible, sexual blanks, irrelevant to most women.

    I think you’re half right about girls who aren’t attracted to certain guys, and who friendzone those guys. Yeah, sometimes they want beta orbiters. Other times, they just want to politely let those men down and for them to go away, and to do it in such a way that doesn’t make those girls look like total bitches.

    Men, when a girl says “Let’s just be friends”, you need to hamsterlate it. What she’s really saying to you is “I am not attracted to you and I don’t want to have sex with you.”

    When a girl says “you need to be nice, be yourself, and you’ll make some girl a great boyfriend/ husband someday”, what she is really saying is “I am never going to be attracted to you; I don’t want to have sex with you, and maybe you’ll get someone to be your girlfriend; but that someone will definitely NOT be me.”

  4. TempestTcup Post author

    I think you are correct on a lot of points, and I like the idea that moms & sisters assume that son/brother will do well.

    I do know an awful lot of women that use & abuse guys with whom they have no intention of being more than friends. I guess they are beta orbiters, but the girls insist that these guys be in attendance.

    Once this girl, who was making out with a guy at the pool table of a neighborhood bar, walked up to a friend of mine & asked him if he would buy her a drink & he couldn’t get her one fast enough & then she went back to the pool table. I asked him why he did that & he said that she called & asked him to come meet her. He was certain that she was going to spend some time with him at any moment. I guess he was lucky that she didn’t have him buy the guy a drink, too.

    In short: a lot of girls are users. Moms & sisters probably do mean well, but subconsciously they want little Jimmy to be nice & bland.

  5. The Ringmistress

    I’m mostly on blog break. I have too much going on real life at the moment to spend time online. Twitter keeps me abreast of the few blogs I’m still following, but I usually don’t comment.

  6. YouSoWould

    Being yourself works wonders – if what you are happens to be a confident, masculine, socially dominant guy.

    Until that day – work on changing yourself into that person.

  7. TempestTcup Post author


    Right, I have a lot of time at work, but absolutely none when I’m home.

    Oh well, if you get a chance, check it out; we talk about girly things 🙂

  8. deti

    “In short: a lot of girls are users. Moms & sisters probably do mean well, but subconsciously they want little Jimmy to be nice & bland”

    Yeah, lots of girls use men. Free stuff, muscle, protection, cockblocking, validation.

    I don’t think it’s that they want Jimmy to be nice and bland. They are telling Jimmy to be what they want attractive men to be to them: Nice, kind, friendly, attentive, faithful. They tell him this because they presume he is attractive and he has the goods to attract women. They presume he’s got that part of it down pat. So they tell him to focus on being nice because that’s what builds relationships.

    Mom and sis don’t tell him what they find attractive because they themselves don’t really know what they find attractive; or they lie about it; or they just presume Jimmy just knows himself what’s attractive. Think Mom and Sis to themselves, “well, we just know what we like when we see it, so Jimmy will too, and so will the girls who will like Jimmy. He will just pick up on it, and he’ll do fine. No problem.”

  9. donalgraeme

    I know some people in the ‘sphere don’t like the idea of changing your personality to please women. What these men fail to realize is that their “nice” personality is a construct created by women to begin with. Some men are mellow, others high-strung, but no man is “nice” unless he is conditioned to be that way. Once you learn the difference between polite and nice, you can bring about some pretty big changes in your life. And when you mix polite with some sarcasm and plenty of teasing… women just lap it up.

  10. The Ringmistress

    Sondheim got it right in Into the Woods; “Nice is different from Good.”

  11. donalgraeme

    @ Tempest

    I am a big fan of over-the-top apologies. The mix of teasing and politeness together like that works wonders. Especially if you can keep it going for a while.

  12. dannyfrom504

    “Absolutely. Of course those guys aren’t asking their moms for advice.”
    nope. i really don’t read a lot of the mandrosphere sites. i’m in no need for advice. i’m still oblivious to this “mark minters” guy.

    unless she’s family or a very good friend, i am NOT her lackey. dammit. NEW POST!!!!!!

  13. Pingback: Boyfriend Duty | dannyfrom504

  14. Peregrine John

    danny, that still strikes me as just bizarre. Ah, well. One of these days, it’s gotta happen.

    Hey Tempest, to answer the question (tweeted, and I ain’t got no Twitter account) about having a new Samsung TV: not so much.

  15. Om Sweet Om

    What they mean is be your *best* self. 😉

    Anyway, I replied to you elsewhere here;

    “Which reminds me of the vegetarian/vegan defense that if EVERYONE ate nothing but Paleo it wouldn’t be sustainable (not that that is true; it is just a thing they say). The thing is that ALL MEN aren’t going to boost their attractiveness, just as the vegetarians in India aren’t ALL going to suddenly go Paleo.”

    The vegetarians and vegans I know have been “paleo” before today’s so-called “paleos” even knew that gmo soy and corn was bad for them. And vegetarians in India are way more paleo than any so called “paleo” here in the processed food capital of the world.

    Western “paleo” is a joke and there is nothing “paleo” about it.

  16. Pingback: Be Nice – Just Be Yourself | Truth and co...

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