Hitting The Wall – How Many Walls Are There?

Hitting The Wall

Over at Girls Being Girls, Margery has a great post about hitting the wall gracefully & in the comments, we had a discussion about when we actually hit the wall & what the wall looks like. I think there are three walls that are hit as we age.

I think there are multiple walls for multiple reasons. The first wall is when you lose the bloom of youth & fertility in the late twenties to early thirties, the second wall is around menopause or after (I’m currently going through this) when your body really does go through some crazy changes.

I think there is a third wall when you are no longer attractive in a sexual way when you are really old. Some women hit the second & third walls at the same time if they are not in shape & taking care of their figure.

Right now, even at my advanced age, there are definitely a lot of guys that would have sex with me; I see them looking; I’m in shape & haven’t started graying yet, so they think I’m a lot younger than I am. I expect to hit the third wall maybe in my mid to late 60s. Maybe I can hold on to it longer than that, my mom looked pretty damn good through her mid 70s.

I haven’t really seen this concept anywhere else ’round these parts, but of course the first wall is the one all of the young guys are concerned about, when the bloom is off, because the bloom is what is important to young guys.

Older guys, around fifty or so, might not be as concerned about youth as an attractant; if a woman is in her forties or fifties & in excellent shape with a pleasant attitude, the older guy might be attracted.

But there comes a time when a woman gets so old or out of shape or has a negative personality that she is no longer considered a sexual being, but might be described as an old woman or a crone. Hopefully when I turn into an old woman (I refuse to be a cantankerous old crone) my hubby’s husband goggles will still be in force & at least he will continue to see me as a sexual being.


24 thoughts on “Hitting The Wall – How Many Walls Are There?

  1. MargeryM

    I think the first wall may be when you have a child, depending on if and when you do, of course. But I am very sensitive of my stretch marks and am more or less convinced they ruined me though my husband has a different take.

  2. TempestTcup Post author

    I’ll bet it didn’t ruin you, because you were still so young. I think women are a lot more critical of themselves than anyone else would be. Now, I think it did ruin my younger sister who had a kid in her late 30s. She never did recover physically from that.

    @Emma the Emo
    I came up with this because I just didn’t agree with the manosphere’s “once you are mid-thirties, no man will ever want you again” thing they have going. In fact when my older sister was widowed, she was in fairly high demand amongst the 50+ set.

  3. C. M. Sturges

    And, being one of the fifty+ set, I can say that is true. It’s just we’ve gotten to the point to where we know what we want, have the resources to get them and won’t put up with any crap. It’s just that simple. Be feminine, let us be masculine, don’t get fat and given the health benefits of modern nutrition and exercise that we all espouse these days, never say no. It’s really that simple and there’s tons of us guys out here looking for good women. Unluckily for us, the special snowflake mindset lasts far longer than a woman’s attractiveness. Hope you enjoy your cats after forty.

  4. samseau

    The key for women is to remember their good days, cherish the memories, and be grateful they got to experience it at all. Don’t dwell on the fact that you aren’t young and beautiful anymore, but instead redirect your efforts into pleasing the ones you love. This will keep you happy and feminine even when your looks have left you.

  5. Pingback: Thoughts and Links about The Wall | Emma the Emo's Emo Musings

  6. donalgraeme

    The idea of multiple walls makes sense. As for why no one else has thought of it before, that may be because “The Wall” originated in PUA land. And they generally only care about the first wall.

  7. Om Sweet Om

    If you’re like me, of white Anglo or Northern European extraction, the wall is hit hard and early. Its because our skin is so thin and lacks melanin and collegen. We look 30 at 25. 40 at 30. And 50 at 40. However we can keep our bodies looking youngish quite late in life, but our faces – we hit our walls 30s to 40. Much earlier than our brothers and sisters of color. In fact, I’ve noticed fit and well kept black people never really hit a wall at all.

    Black don’t crack!

  8. TempestTcup Post author

    “Black don’t crack!”

    I’m a total mutt as far as ancestry; I have a little of almost everything & I think that helps with looking young. I’ve never burned easily, so I must have plenty of melanin.

  9. earl

    Women should be lucky they have few walls.

    How many walls do men have?

    Everyday we are awake on this planet there is a wall somewhere. It keeps us alive.

  10. TempestTcup Post author

    When my husband read that he started singing Iggy “Four walls, I live in here!”

    “Everyday we are awake on this planet there is a wall somewhere. It keeps us alive.”

    The greatest gift that the manosphere has given me is the permission to relax and be a girl, and I am forever grateful for that.

  11. Emperor Lu Bu

    I’m surprised that you entertain this notion, Tempest.

    There is ONE wall – the youthful one, which is apparent not for the loss of the “flower of youth”, but for that one key marriage potential… childbirth. Women in their 30s and (Universe forbid) 40s have a natural and severe decline in their ability to have children (as revealed by age studies on miscarriage).

    As the ability to bear children is the SINGLE thing that a woman has to offer in marriage (in return for a man’s lifetime of work), then she abruptly hits THE wall when she is no longer able to do so. That’s why her Sexual Marketplace Peak is 18-25, where a man’s is 33-43… it takes far longer for a man to build up a lifetime’s worth of workplace viability that it does for a woman to bear progeny for a man.

    The thought that EITHER sex’s true value (as it pertains to marriage) can be summarized in ANY way by the “looks” department is a VIRULENTLY “Blue Pill” mindset. Shame on you, Tempest.

    For frame of reference, these men said it better:

  12. TempestTcup Post author

    @Emperor Lu Bu
    That’s not what I’ve really read on any of the blogs – maybe I didn’t read them all. What I always took the wall to mean was that her looks had faded to the point that she was no longer able to get sex from the quality of guys that she was formerly able.

    None of the blogs mentioned marriage or children at all because it was all PUA blogs that even mentioned the wall.

    I was basing this off of that definition of the wall & it was pretty much 99% looks.

  13. Emperor Lu Bu

    That’s the problem right there, Tempest.

    There’s a distinct difference in mentality between PUAs and the TRUE Alphas of the Red Pill manosphere… MGTOW. Since PUAs are primarily focused on “scoring”, it IS all about looks to them. This isn’t a truly actualized mindset in reality.

    MGTOW focus on Truth, don’t worry primarily about “getting some” (as we can and do at will), and are the best defenders of the natural femininity that you Red Pill women fight so hard to keep defined.

    Read those two articles (and those two writers, by the way) and you’ll be well on your way to understanding the verity behind the true Red Pill.

  14. TempestTcup Post author

    Actually, I’ve never really read any of the MGTOW blogs & haven’t even been on any PUA blogs in about a year or so. I mainly hang around the girl blogs & married blogs & the ones like Apocalypse Cometh, Dannyfrom504, You So Would & Illusion of Sanity, so I really don’t see any of that.

    If it’s all about childbearing, then you are correct, when she is no longer able to bear children successfully then she has hit that wall.

    It seems that every sub-section of the red pill has their own definition of everything.

  15. Emperor Lu Bu

    I find that Absolute Truth often exists almost “behind-the-scenes”… spread out over many (even contradictory) sources in almost imperceptible ways. It’s almost like the Boondock Saints once said: “These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace!”, only Absolute Truth is true whether accepted or even believed to be so.

    Personal experiences will cloud even MEN’S judgments at times, so it’s important to find the common aspects of the Universe – the threads that invisibly tie us together. You may find a baby in someone else’s bathwater, but that doesn’t mean you have to take their whole BATHROOM with you when you leave. Do you get my meaning?

    Of all the Red Pill men I’ve read, the MGTOW are the most Truth-seeking, and Universal honesty appeals to me like nothing else. Even though the majority of them are also religious (I am not – I’m a Hedonistic Agnostic.), they were the closest to the Absolute Truth that I saw when I joined their ranks. Rollo Tomassi (The Rational Male) is perhaps the best writer I’ve encountered among them. You may find yourself to have (as I have) learned a lot from him.

    But (and I quote it because some parts ARE helpful) like the Bible says: “Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.” (Romans 14:5b) We end up finding our own truths in life. Whether they line up with Absolute Truth or not is not the point (really). What matters is the JOURNEY… and that we never stop pursuing it.

  16. Om Sweet Om

    “As the ability to bear children is the SINGLE thing that a woman has to offer in marriage (in return for a man’s lifetime of work)”

    Not so fast!
    The New Wave in relationships is childless-by-choice marriages.

    Having It All Without Having Children:
    The American birthrate is at a record low. What happens when having it all means not having children?


  17. TempestTcup Post author

    @Emperor Lu Bu
    I appreciate Rollo’s math & all, but really, sometimes you have to ignore the weather forecasts & step outside to see if it’s raining. When I look at the world around me, I don’t see a population that looks anything like what he is writing about. I see tons of girls in their twenties that were never not hitting the wall, fertility or not. I see a lot of older women that are much more attractive than their twenty-something counterparts. I’m still standing by my original opinion.

    Granted, most girls in their thirties have hit the wall hard, so maybe what I’m seeing is a bell curve (except all of those thousands of fat young girls in their twenties with green hair, chest tattoos and large gauge earplugs).

  18. Om Sweet Om

    “except all of those thousands of fat young girls in their twenties with green hair, chest tattoos and large gauge earplugs”

    This look is appreciated by men with green hair, tattoos and gauge earplugs.

    No matter the wall, there’s a guy out there who’s hit the same wall who women are pairing up with.

    Its like Rollo and the rest and their obsession with so called “sluts”. The highly promiscuous are a minority in the population who manage to find each other and recycle sex amongst themselves. . The vast majority of people are having “relationship sex”, and some are going without altogether.

    I don’t understand why these men are afraid of catching the “slut virus”. Chances are, if they are in the majority, they do not even mix with sluts socially at all.

  19. TempestTcup Post author

    @Om Sweet Om
    Yeah, I don’t really hang out with the PUAs or MGTOWs, so I’m not really up on their stuff. For MGTOWs to be concerned with fertility (or their version of the wall – lack of fertility) seems strange. If they are going TOW, why would fertility concern them?

    I really don’t see the overweight green haired girls having boyfriends or even getting picked up & I hang at bars a lot. The guys (even with massive modifications) always still go for the cute little things without a bunch of modifications. But I live in the center of the country; maybe it’s different on the coasts.

  20. The Ringmistress

    Perhaps the difference is different marriage markets. All the divorced men I know are looking exclusively at divorcees for new mates. Sure, the could score with younger chicks, but what 22 year old wants to be step mom to a 16 year old male. Awkward.

    And then there is the market for widows. At that point, long term companionship is the goal, not childrearing. My godfather remarried to a woman his age, a widow, and by the same cause that he was made bereft, cancer. He had his kids, she had hers, grandkids are coming, what they offer to each other is companionship and the support their offspring deserve.

    Marriage isn’t just for bearing children. It’s also for raising them.

  21. TempestTcup Post author

    @The Ringmistress

    I completely agree. I think the younger people don’t see this because they are fixated on the first wall, because it is the only one that concerns them.

    There are plenty of guys around these parts that aren’t fixated on the 22yos. Even The Private Man a while back was entertaining the idea of asking out a widow older than him & has said repeatedly that he likes women a little closer to his age.

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