Is My Music Emasculating My Husband?


Can music have an emasculating effect? My husband and I hang out a fair number of tiny neighborhood bars and we have noticed lately the different crowds. Recently we have been distancing ourselves from the Rockabilly bar and spending more time at the Biker bar. The Rockabilly bar used to be more punk and also used to be a lot more fun with people that were not quite as liberal.

Since it went more purely Rockabilly with a lot of Indie and country Blues, the crowd has gotten more and more androgynous and emasculated. About half of the males there are gay, but I’m not sure if that is the music or because of the proximity to a lot of salons. Almost all the women are sluts or would be if they could get laid any more. If you said Boo to any of the male bartenders, they would flinch.

The Biker bar plays a lot of music a lot harder like Motorhead, etc. I’m not really familiar with the names because I generally play pop. Like super pop. I’m hanging my head as I type this. Yes, I have lady Gaga and Britney Spears on my work computer. Yes, I have Taylor Swift. I also have a lot of Indie music and it is pretty poppy, too.

When I go to Ace’s site and Danny’s site, they have more masculine music, like the Biker bar plays. Also, a lot of the more PUA sites say to put on some hard music loud and get pumped up before working out or going out. They say it raises your testosterone (I don’t know which ones they were, and I’m not going to look for it).

If you think about Indie music and the people that listen to it, it is mainly hipsters. Another androgynous group of people full of girly boys wearing skinny jeans and masculine women proud of their sluttitude. The Rockabilly bar has a lot of hipsters, but the Biker bar doesn’t.

I have the newer car, so when we go anywhere, we take my car, and my music is playing. Pretty much every evening and all weekend (usually three day weekends), my husband is subjected to my pop music. During the daytime, he will switch it over to talk radio, but the rest of the time it is blaring Lily Allen or Feist.

I’ve just recently, in the last couple of days, started wondering how much music has an effect on our physical state. I’m kind of thinking that I should divide my music into male/female and play the more masculine music on the weekends. I’m not going to go all Death Metal or anything, but definitely harder music.

My final question, if you all do think that Pop, Indie & Rockabilly are emasculating, is do you think that listening to harder music will masculate me?

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50 thoughts on “Is My Music Emasculating My Husband?

  1. Theodore Logan

    Start with Metallica, then maybe later go with the Slayer and Morbid Angel. Oh, and you’re welcome.

  2. Peregrine John

    I think the cause and effect is mostly in the opposite direction: one chooses to listen to music which resonates with themselves. Exposure to music absolutely influences people, and I have a variety of books on the shelf having to do with the phenomenon. (Also, arguably, a fair bit of the money I’ve made making music is due to its power to influence mood at least.) Not sure I’d worry too much about it, though – I know any number of rockabilly fans whose masculinity is not open to debate.

    It looks to me like there are 2 things you’re asking about: short term mood/physiological effects, and long-term personality changes. The first is undeniable, and part of music’s appeal. The second I suspect usually manifests in simple reenforcement of existing traits: the unstable teen burying themselves completely in death metal, etc. Other permanent changes would probably take some extended exposure without other styles being around to mess with it.

  3. TempestTcup Post author

    So, it is probably like minivan drivers: the minivan doesn’t make you drive slowly; the type of person who buys a minivan is the type that drives slowly.

    I know that when I hear Death Metal with that growl/singing, it really affects me negatively. My heart starts beating to the music and I get the fight or flight adrenaline thing. Adrenaline (the bad kind – not the good skydiving kind) makes me pukey.

  4. Peregrine John

    Oh yeah – that goes for both of you. If you listened to Morbid Angel, Faith No More, Rob Zombie and those guys for a while, you might lose some feminine curve to your personality… but it’s really unlikely unless you also drop the pop. Hang around metalheads for a while and you’ll see some very feminine women and some very androgynous women. How each chooses her path I’m not real sure, but an environment foreign to one’s natural norm apparently forces a choice.

    I keep rewriting these paragraphs, trying to elucidate, and wondering if I might need more sleep and more coffee. Here’s an example that sort of sums up what I’m hedging at: I think hipster stuff and indie music is associated with hipster lifestyles and thus attracts those already attracted to it. If I’m around it for a while I can appreciate its music (though the lyrics, oy…) but am unlikely to wear a knit cap in summer, or skinny jeans, ever.

  5. TempestTcup Post author

    “(though the lyrics, oy…)”

    I had to lose more than a few really good songs because of the lyrics, mainly saying very negative things or anti-relationship/cheating lyrics.

    But yeah, the pop I’ll listen to at work even if I get rid of most of it in the car.

  6. Theodore Logan

    I was joking about the Slayer & Morbid Angel, but you sound like you want to start listening to 80’s hair bands like Van Halen, Motley Crue, Guns & Roses, or 70’s rock like Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, and The Who. That’s probably more your forte.

  7. TempestTcup Post author

    I already have most of those – I’m old, so I was actually alive when Jimi was, although I was a child. I have a lot of the 90s stuff, too.

    I was just wondering if giving my husband a big dose of Princess Pop over the years was going to lower his testosterone levels. Sorry, I’m giggling now because that last sentence sounded really silly.

  8. Emma the Emo

    Somehow I really doubt it can have a profound effect on testosterone. I never grew a beard or got big muscles from listening to metal 🙂 But loud muisic can ruin your ears eventually, so be careful.

  9. TempestTcup Post author

    I went to every single rock concert that came to town in the late seventies & early eighties including Rush & Blue Oyster Cult (the loudest concert ever!) without earplugs, so I know what you are talking about!

    I was mostly joking about the testosterone thing, but some of the guy sites say that metal will increase it (they didn’t cite any studies). I’m skeptical 🙂

  10. dannyfrom504

    Thanks for the link Baby. I appreciate it.

    You want masculine. Check out interpol’s “turn on the bright lights”. Brooding, sexual, eloquent.

    My fave all time album. But I like the smiths too….so what do I know.

  11. TempestTcup Post author

    I’m checking out Ace’s site for guy music & playing all of his videos, and then I’m coming to your site and doing the same thing there.

  12. lifeunivers42

    For the music. I don’t know if there’s a long term effect. But here a few point for your consideration :

    People hearth rate tend to sync with the beat of the music. That’s why when going to show the faster beat is in the middle of the show. There’s a ramp up of the beat and a ramp down. If there is no ramp down riot are more likely.
    That’s probably why when training men like fast and harsh music, higher hearth rate and also mood for pumping iron… literally.

    Also when growing plant if you throw music at them, the plant do change growing direction. Metal they grow away, classical toward the speaker.

    The universe is weird.

  13. TempestTcup Post author

    That’s really interesting; so it may really affect my husband. I’m going to try a little experiment and play more masculine music this weekend and see if it has any effect.

    What do plants do when you play Pop? Dance? 😀

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  15. earl

    I don’t know if it was the music…or the caffeine…but I was an animal for the first time in a long time at the gym yesterday. I’ll go with the music.

    Oddly enough after some heavy set squats…I felt the tingles. Guys can get them too…but we have to destroy ourselves to get them.

  16. Cranberry

    In my experience, yes. I listened to a lot of punk and hardcore in high school (mid to late 90s). Went to Lollapalooza most summers when it passed through my area, and countless small shows at seedy NY clubs. I’m amazed I’m still alive, sometimes.

    Mr. C. likes rock and 90s music, and country. Definitely into country, but George Strait-type country, not the modern country pop. He likes music with themes of derring-do and manliness, both in the melody and the lyrics. And no one would ever, ever mistake Mr. C. for a girly-man or a hipster.

    This doesn’t mean full-on rage and adventure all the time. Mr. C. is also sensitive in his own way. A female pop-princess song about Daddy or a lost love is not going to affect him the way Allan Jackson’s “Drive” or Garth Brooks’ “Unanswered Prayers” does. It’s pure masculine emotion that neither hides nor wallows.

    Maybe its the wallowing and over-sensitivity in a lot of hipster music that gets to me. Some of it is really good stuff, melodically. But I start to cringe a bit and want to yell “get over yourself!” after too long. I’m emotionally stunted and an insensitive prick, though. *wink*

  17. TempestTcup Post author


    “the only men that can wear skinny jeans are named robert plant and jimmy page”

    The Ramones rocked the skinny jeans/motorcycle jacket look pretty hard.

  18. TempestTcup Post author


    Exercising to high energy music makes a lot of sense. And ouch, squats. Doing them is fine, if boring, but the day after, I can hardly walk.

  19. TempestTcup Post author


    “the wallowing and over-sensitivity in a lot of hipster music”

    There is a lot of that. Then there is that hipster music that is just two notes over and over again for eight minutes. Why did they bother to even record that stuff?

    My town wasn’t big enough for any major festivals, but we did have a very large punk presence in the 1970s and hardcore in the 1980s. Lots of great bands and a ton of punk clubs that never ID’d, luckily!

  20. earl

    Squats are my least favorite exercise…but I do them quite a bit. They give me the most rewards.

    I needed all the energy I could get yesterday. Listening to Moby or Coldplay would have probably made me look at the rack and cry. Right after I was done I could barely walk. That was a good workout.

  21. Stingray

    I listen to heavy music when I work out and I absolutely swear by it. A certain song can come on just when I think I am reaching failure and just hearing it I can push out two more reps. It really does make a difference.

    I might be a bit weird though. I absolutely need masculine tasks. I wilt without them. Doing certain acceptable masculine activities actually makes it easier for me to be more feminine afterwards. Yeah, I know it sounds like a hamster spin, but I have always been rather masculine and I get grumpy not having some kind of outlet. When I have that outlet I can relax into my femininity much better. Phedre and I discussed this once at my blog and she and a couple of the other ladies said they were much the same. I can’t explain it, but it’s a necessary thing for some.

  22. TempestTcup Post author


    I’m not sure if I seek out masculine tasks, although I do a lot of them helping my husband do things like pouring concrete, etc.

    I do a lot of masculine thrill-seeking, though. I love driving fast in my little 5-speed (so fun!), shooting guns, flying airplanes, and I used to skydive and would like to again some day.

  23. Stingray

    Maybe you don’t seek them because of the opportunities you have working on your house. Pouring concrete and leveling it, like you have been doing, sounds like a blast to me. When given the opportunity to shoot and drive a 5-speed I am the same (I have a minivan now for the kids but whenever I run out alone I ask my husband if I can take his car which is a stick. I love it!) I am scared of heights so the flying and skydiving would be difficult . . . .

  24. TempestTcup Post author

    My husband says that I can fly and jump out of airplanes, but I can’t climb the ladder to fuel them. I have a completely unreasonable fear of heights and i know that it is unreasonable even as i close my eyes and have my husband lead me down an escalator.

    I do not get the sensation of heights when in the cockpit or strapped to a parachute. I have no idea why not. I do think a fear of heights is an inner ear thing, though. I think it may be physical instead of mental.

  25. earl

    It make me wonder which is a more common fear.

    Heights or public speaking.

    I’ve heard more public speaking fear than heights. I always wondered why I never had the fear of speaking in front of hundreds of people I didn’t know…but going up and trying to talk to an attractive woman I didn’t know would make me tense up.

  26. TempestTcup Post author


    I’m only nervous public speaking if I’m highly invested in the subject and not sure how it will be received, which as i was typing that I realized that I was saying the same thing as you 🙂

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  28. A♠

    Peregrine John,

    “Music directly represents the passions of the soul. If one listens to the wrong kind of music, he will become the wrong kind of person.”


    Many thanks for the compliment, Tempest.

  29. dannyfrom504

    i like the whole whole “indie” is hipster thing. please feel free to listen to and you will know us by the trail of the dead… while a decent amount of it can be hipsterish, a lot of it is WAY better than whats on pop radio. thusly-

    agree to disagree.

  30. Pingback: Is My Music Emasculating My Husband? | Truth an...

  31. TempestTcup Post author


    I have a crap-load of indie on my work computer, probably about 20G of it; I also have a ton of pop, but indie mainly. Most of the indie is pretty damn poppy, though.

  32. AAB

    You can also see the effects of the music on the listeners at music gigs:
    – Rock music listeners jar front and back (headbanging).
    – Indie music listeners sway gently side to side.

    The former is masculine the latter is feminine. You can see this trend in different aspects of life aswell, think of a woman shaking her head and hand in a sideways motion.

  33. TempestTcup Post author


    And punks pogo 🙂

    That’s true, I never thought of that. I’ve been to a ton of Grateful Dead concerts and there’s a completely different sort of movement. Of course, that might have a lot to do with all the acid, but still.

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