Over at the RedPillWoman subreddit there was a little dust-up on a post I submitted about a girl going all over Reddit talking about how her boyfriend doesn’t clean the house, is bullying her, won’t marry her so she can get more financial aid, and does she really have to be SuperWoman?
Basically she was making fun of us RPW saying that women should cater to their men. I made the submission and then was called out because the chick in question says she is bipolar. Evidently, saying that you are bipolar is a Get Out of Jail Free Card. It wasn’t her fault, and nothing else is her fault either because she says she has this disorder.
But that’s not what I’m here to discuss; I’m here to discuss badmouthing your man. Don’t do it. Men shouldn’t badmouth their women either, but it is particularly odious to do it to a man because the world is way too ready to believe bad things about men, and the world tends to let women off lightly.
Say you have a tiff with your man, and you call your sister to cry on her shoulder. You tell her all the horrible things that happened and let slip that he scared you. Now your sister thinks he is one step away from beating you, and she will never think any differently about him. Thirty years of unwavering devotion cannot pry this image from her mind.
Say you are mad at your man for something minor, and you call your mom to vent. You start off with how he didn’t take out the garbage yesterday, but then you get carried away and before you know it you are calling him lazy and shiftless. Your mom will forever think of your man as lazy and shiftless. He can work five jobs full-time, and he will still be lazy and shiftless in her eyes.
It is particularly wrong to badmouth him to single friends. The problem with single friends is that they are incapable of hanging onto a man, which is why they are single. Since the slightest infraction will cause them to drop a man, they will encourage you to dump your man. You can get someone better! Someone who will take better care of you than him! I love how single women are always so ready with relationship advice.
Not only does badmouthing your man make him look bad in other people’s eyes, but it makes you look bad, too. Why are you in a relationship with someone who treats you badly or someone you complain about? Why do you put up with that?
It’s not just that others will think badly of your man, but that you are also probably saying these things to his face, and that is completely disrespectful. Even thinking these things is disrespectful. If you have a complaint, you need to set aside some time for a serious discussion with him, and without emotion, whining, accusing, or nagging, tell him the problem.
If you are feeling put upon or like you are doing everything, maybe make a list of things that each of you do. On one post, a commenter asked about everyone’s division of labor in their relationship, and when I was responding, I realized that my husband does a lot more than I really gave him credit for.
I completely forgot that he pays all the bills and handles investments and our finances. That’s a lot of work. I only thought about the physical stuff that I actively see him doing, not the invisible stuff that gets done behind the scenes. You might realize that the division of labor is indeed unfair; you may realize that it is you who is doing too little.