Monthly Archives: October 2013

Marry the Lieutenant

 

will-you-marry-meI know a lot of Grass is Always Greener women; I know women who can never find a man good enough for them. I know one perpetually single woman that once broke up with really cute, funny guy because of his handwriting. That’s what she said anyway; the truth was probably something she didn’t want to admit, it was probably closer to he didn’t have money. Of course he didn’t, he was in college.

I see some women going through these scenarios time and time again until they just physically cannot attract a man any longer. Ace had an excellent post comparing these women to animated GIFs:

Animated .gif images creep me the fuck out.
I watch them keep running through the same action.
Over and over and over again.

Since I’m older and I have seen the long-term results of this attitude, I want to warn the younger women against it, but they would never listen. There is too much cheap validation out there that makes them think that they can trade up forever. And they can trade up, but not forever.

The thing is that they rarely trade up. They have a perfectly great guy, but he isn’t exciting enough. He isn’t tall enough or her friends don’t swoon over him. His job isn’t prestigious enough; he didn’t graduate college to start at the top of his field. He’s kind of boring; he’s always studying, he works too many hours. That guy at the bar is exciting, hot and he sends tingles up her spine.

Today’s young women have no idea of the dynamics of relationships in the past; they don’t want to choose a work in progress, they expect their potential mate to already have everything figured out. They don’t want to start out with a young man and work towards a future together, poor but happy. They want it all to start with.

They don’t want to invest in a man. They don’t want to marry the Lieutenant and help him grow to be a General, they want the General now. They want to start their adult life with all of the perks, the house and the vacations. But they don’t want someone old; they want someone young and exciting.

Stingray had a great post, The Advantage of Youth, in which a lot of us married women talked in the comments about how our relationships were in the beginning when both we and our spouses were young. The thing about couples getting together young is that the men not only had potential, but they were full of the excitement of youth:

That’s why I think that young should marry young. Both of them. That way the man will remember his wife as fresh and young and the woman will remember her husband as exciting and on the verge of conquering the world.

Women today have a hundred-point list of requirements for a potential mate. What they don’t realize is the power women have over men. Instead of looking for those hundred points, why not help a man attain those points? You can build a man up or tear him down; why not find a man and be his helpmate and work together with him to make him into the man you want?

Well, for one thing, that sounds like a lot of work. It doesn’t sound very exciting. Who wants to work on a relationship when there are all of those fun nights at the bar with exciting guys chasing you? Society today is an instant gratification one, and people just don’t really think things out for the future.

I don’t have much hope of large amounts of young women ignoring all of the free validation they receive in the way of facebook and other social media, and actually latching onto, for life, a young man with potential. I see young women having relationships and more relationships and maybe oopsie, pregnant with one of them, maybe oopsie with more than one of them. It’s a disposable world with a lot of disposable girls.

Empathy and My Lack Thereof

emp

There but for the grace of God, go I. I was recently accused of not having empathy, but I do have a very limited empathy; I have empathy for people blindsided by nature, people losing their loved ones, people who, through no fault of their own, have had bad luck/act of God befall them.

I have absolutely no empathy for people who make bad decisions and then reap the consequences. I have no empathy for “marginalized groups” or professional victims. I have no empathy for drunken chicks/guys that do stupid things. I have no empathy for people living in shitty circumstances.

There is a little tug at my heart strings for kids of crappy parents, but the problem with helping the kids is that it rewards the crappy parents. Also, kids are really resilient, so hopefully their crappy parents won’t scar them too much, but the problem today is that there are so many crappy parents. I just don’t have a solution for that problem.

When you start taking full responsibility for your actions, you have little tolerance for those who don’t. Some people see bad things happening to other people, and I see a person making bad decisions. I think that people like to think of bad things just “happening” because it takes away all responsibility for their terrible decisions.

They say that every plane crash is a series of bad decisions. You start out with one bad decision: did you overload the plane? Did you chart a route without checking to see how much fuel was needed? Did you do a thorough preflight to make sure the plane was in good condition? Have you checked the weather?

Sure, you can have problems with an airplane that aren’t your fault, but then how did you handle that emergency? Did you panic? Have you practiced your engine-out procedures? Do you know how to pull out of a spin? Where is the nearest flat place to land? Your job is to fly the plane as far into the crash as possible. Control it as much as possible for as long as possible. Don’t give up.

The biggest problem that I have with “there but for the grace of God” is that it signifies giving up. Like, if you ended up on the street, you would shrug your shoulders and stay there. Hell, no. I would fight it as hard as possible. When I see a bum panhandling I have NEVER thought that they could be me. Why would I have empathy?

Once I was driving past a homeless shelter with a friend, and there were a ton of them littering the sidewalks, and my friend said, “Even if I found myself homeless, I would never hang out with these people.” This is coming from a guy that has been one step up from homelessness his entire life.

So no, I do not have empathy for very many people. I cannot put myself in their shoes. I have no understanding of their thought process when that process can only understand that something bad happened and they cannot see how they caused that bad thing to happen. Once I started taking full responsibility for my actions I couldn’t excuse those who do not take responsibility for their own actions.

I’m Baaaaack!

im-back-L-h1U5Uz

Well, I’m not sure HOW back I am. I’m pretty bleary from about 4 hours sleep last night and about that much or less from every night I was in Vegas. My IN box is about eight inches tall and I’m writing this in between people coming in to get checks for last week.

Vegas was a lot of fun. I’m having a hard time actually putting a timeline together for the trip; the more people, the less I can keep it all straight. I think I have the events for Sunday – Tuesday nailed down, and Friday is there, but Wednesday and Thursday are confusing! I guess I could always go back and check the #MeetupofDoom to get some clues.

Of course there was a bunch of debauchery, but it wasn’t ALL chasing hookers for blow; we also walked a lot, rode the Deuce every day and even went to the outlet mall!

I’ll try to get back to you later when I’ve whittled my catch-up work down to “overwhelming”, but in the meantime, I would like to thank Mitch, Dr. Illusion, The Mistress, Dannyfrom504, Death to Hamsters, and DoktorBill for the excellent time!

Here’s Danny’s rendition!

And Mitch’s rendition!

Oh wait, here’s Dr. Illusion’s!