Empathy and My Lack Thereof

emp

There but for the grace of God, go I. I was recently accused of not having empathy, but I do have a very limited empathy; I have empathy for people blindsided by nature, people losing their loved ones, people who, through no fault of their own, have had bad luck/act of God befall them.

I have absolutely no empathy for people who make bad decisions and then reap the consequences. I have no empathy for “marginalized groups” or professional victims. I have no empathy for drunken chicks/guys that do stupid things. I have no empathy for people living in shitty circumstances.

There is a little tug at my heart strings for kids of crappy parents, but the problem with helping the kids is that it rewards the crappy parents. Also, kids are really resilient, so hopefully their crappy parents won’t scar them too much, but the problem today is that there are so many crappy parents. I just don’t have a solution for that problem.

When you start taking full responsibility for your actions, you have little tolerance for those who don’t. Some people see bad things happening to other people, and I see a person making bad decisions. I think that people like to think of bad things just “happening” because it takes away all responsibility for their terrible decisions.

They say that every plane crash is a series of bad decisions. You start out with one bad decision: did you overload the plane? Did you chart a route without checking to see how much fuel was needed? Did you do a thorough preflight to make sure the plane was in good condition? Have you checked the weather?

Sure, you can have problems with an airplane that aren’t your fault, but then how did you handle that emergency? Did you panic? Have you practiced your engine-out procedures? Do you know how to pull out of a spin? Where is the nearest flat place to land? Your job is to fly the plane as far into the crash as possible. Control it as much as possible for as long as possible. Don’t give up.

The biggest problem that I have with “there but for the grace of God” is that it signifies giving up. Like, if you ended up on the street, you would shrug your shoulders and stay there. Hell, no. I would fight it as hard as possible. When I see a bum panhandling I have NEVER thought that they could be me. Why would I have empathy?

Once I was driving past a homeless shelter with a friend, and there were a ton of them littering the sidewalks, and my friend said, “Even if I found myself homeless, I would never hang out with these people.” This is coming from a guy that has been one step up from homelessness his entire life.

So no, I do not have empathy for very many people. I cannot put myself in their shoes. I have no understanding of their thought process when that process can only understand that something bad happened and they cannot see how they caused that bad thing to happen. Once I started taking full responsibility for my actions I couldn’t excuse those who do not take responsibility for their own actions.

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29 thoughts on “Empathy and My Lack Thereof

  1. dana

    temp, can i ask you some intj q’s?

    1. do you have lots of memories of your life and if you do, do you remember the EMOTIONS or the facts. i find i have almost no life memories and definitely no emotional memories. i have huge lists of things as memories, fish breeds, knitting patterns, historical facts etc nothing involving humans

    2. are you capable of holding a grudge? i find i am unable to hold on to negative interpersonal feelings for more than a few minutes after the stimulus that caused them and if a little time goes by simply “lapse back” into my normal state of equanimity and contentedness. if my hub and i have a fight and i go in my room for 6 minutes and he talks to me in a normal voice from teh other room, its all over like it never happened and i will NEVER remember or re-experience the feeling of having just been upset a fewin mutes ago. it seems weird to me

    3. do you have moods? to be clear i mean apparently causeless emotional states that people claim to just get into. i dont mean getting upset at something bad happening right in the moment. outside of a negative stimulus i have no moods, only perfectly fine and at worst, somewhat flat. no matter whats happening i wake up reset.

    i ask because i also utterly lack what people refer to as empathy.

  2. TempestTcup Post author

    1) Mainly facts and places, but also embarrassment when I remember stupid things I said & did (usually from being unaware of normal human protocols that everyone else either knew instinctively or were taught from their families). Embarrassment is the main emotion. Like, why did that come out of my mouth?

    2) I can hold a grudge for a little while, but it goes away pretty quickly as far as emotion goes. If my husband yells at me (rarely) I completely shut down and can’t for the life of me talk. I have a very strong desire to sleep at those times. He is the only person that can shut me down completely, but once he talks to me normally (if I’m awake) it is over. I do forever remember personal affronts or kindnesses and can use them to formulate better decisions about whomever I’m dealing with. There isn’t a lot of emotion with those decisions unless the affront is really bad.

    3) Sometimes I can get into a funk, but that is usually when I’m about to get sick. When a cold or flu is coming on I get whiny and emotional. Mostly I am unflappable and cheerful(ish). I’m mostly perfectly fine but I can become somewhat snappish when I have to deal with too many demanding or needy people.

    Luckily, my husband is INTJ also, so he pretty much understands.

    I never thought of my lack of empathy as being an INTJ thing; I always thought it was an anti-stupid people thing, lol. I have total empathy for people caught up in natural disasters or losing a loved one etc, though. The Colorado floods were one recent event that really resonated.

  3. TempestTcup Post author

    Oh yeah, do you like the placard I made on my sidebar? I submitted it to redpillschool & he’s going to figure out how to get it up on reddit. That should put TBP into a tizzy!

  4. dana

    ok dokey, maybe not INTJ things, just crazy things lol

    my hubs an ENTJ so we spend most of our time plotting to take over the world, but then i have to explain the historical and logistical details of why the plan wont work, and he gets mad and starts having a nurenburg rally until i calm him down

    i love the placard!!! make it so!

  5. TempestTcup Post author

    @A Northern Observer

    Husband earned his at 18. I had a bad case of “have airplane, can’t fly” so I earned my license in late August of 2001. That totally messed me over! No flying for 6 months after.

  6. TempestTcup Post author

    @dana

    Yeah, there might be a bit of crazy – I am a direct descendant of share ancestors with* Meriwether Lewis.

    *Dammit, Mom keeps saying we are direct descendants of people who never had kids. I should have learned after the George Washington fiasco.

    Related: When I was a little kid she told me that God did create the world in 6 days, but God’s days were almost a billion years each. I think she could make up answers as fast as I came up with questions.

    Also related: Once a nun told me that “nice girls don’t ask questions like that”. And no, Sister Mary Catherine, “The Land of Nod” was NOT a satisfactory answer. I can do the math, you know!

    /rambling bored, drinking coffee

  7. Emma the Emo

    I read somewhere that once the government takes from “the privileged” and gives to victim groups, empathy evaporates. Makes sense. I’m not too unhappy about that. Someone very close to me lives on welfare, not by choice. It’s simply hard to get a job here if you are over 40, a foreigner, have no connections and have no formal higher education, no matter how great you were in your own country. At this point, money is enough. Nothing wrong with taking advantage of the welfare state if it’s there for the taking. Sure, people will hate you, but why contribute to something that will take half your earnings?

  8. TempestTcup Post author

    Yeah, I don’t feel sorry for welfare recipients; sit on your butt & collect $$ – awesome! You’d be a fool to not take advantage of that.

    If anything happens to my job, I’ll hide all my assets and milk the system dry while touring Europe. It’s pretty much a given that I won’t receive social security when I retire, so why not go on disability?

  9. TempestTcup Post author

    @The Geographer

    I thought empathy was being able to put yourself in their shoes with some sort of emotion going on. But I don’t have sympathy either, so there’s that.

  10. Pingback: Hating Humanity, Loving People

  11. Emma the Emo

    Btw, I’m not really planning to become a welfare recepient. However, I don’t have sympathy for them either – they simply don’t need it. (I guess in a way I have empathy, since I partially understand what some of them are thinking). They are smart people who know how to live well without working, while I’m planning to be a fool who works her ass off and turns half of her money in. But even then, I won’t be able to muster up any contempt or hate for welfare recepients.

  12. TempestTcup Post author

    Emma,

    Lol, I didn’t think you were going to jump on the welfare bandwagon – I’m not either, but there is a kind of “why not” thing going on there. It sounds pretty good to sit on my butt and let the money flow in.

    My neighbors get everything free. They got a Habitat for Huge Manatees (and these people are HUGE) house, they get food stamps (SNAP), every year they somehow get an SUV, someone comes by and mows their lawn all summer. A church even comes and picks them up every Sunday. Their whole lives are completely free.

    Still, I wouldn’t trade my life with them for anything. I’m perfectly fine with working for my money!

  13. Emma the Emo

    Yes, there is a certain something in working for you money. Some kind of ego thing, I dunno. That’s why I’d do it, unless they make it so hard for me it simply isn’t worth it (not too likely to happen, but who knows what happens in the future).

  14. TempestTcup Post author

    Dang, when I did the first one I got an error message, but I could see precisely where it was headed. It’s a lot like the autism spectrum quotient; when I was taking that I knew that it was going to be bad!

    I would say that I am probably highly systemizing because I love maps, I know how to wire a house (re-wired my latest one!), I know how mountains are formed, I know aerodynamics and airfoils, I can draw you a picture of how a 4-stroke engine works, I’m good with numbers and odds, etc.

  15. dana

    damn error message–i thought at least the Q’s on the empathizing part gave a clearer picture of what empathy means in detail

  16. dana

    ive found it doesnt test for how people like us are often able to systematically study human behavior and mimic “empathy” intellectually vs feeling it atavistically. i dont “feel” when someone wants to enter the convo, but i have taught myself to SEE it. i think thats a major difference in thought styles

    man, the worst thing about the internet is you finally meet people you can relate to and they live all over the world!

    is dr bill your hub? my hubs a bill too

  17. TempestTcup Post author

    “man, the worst thing about the internet is you finally meet people you can relate to and they live all over the world!”

    Yes, my problem exactly! Although we actually met someone in a bar near us that follows all of the red pill blogs, so that was kind of incredible. We haven’t seen him again though – probably scared him off, lol!

    Yes, Dr. Bill is hubby 🙂

  18. Pingback: Empathy and My Lack Thereof | Truth and contrad...

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