Love Me for Me

Love__Beach__Sunset__by_danicafaye-721652

Lately at RPW subreddit we have been getting a real influx of Love Me for Me girls. Girls who think that being pleasant is living a lie.

“And how is it fair to anyone, if they aren’t seeing the real me?”

“The chances of finding someone who both wants me and can handle me, is slim to none.”

“I figured that he would deserve to know what he was getting into. So everything on the table at the beginning would be the best idea.”

“Instead of telling me to change, explain to me WHY these qualities don’t attract good men.”

It’s not like I’m hunting these girls down and giving them unsolicited advice, these young women came to us asking for advice. It is annoying though because they have found red pill sites, and they want a RP man, but they don’t want to change their bad habits to actually attract one. What they really want is for RP men to change their attraction cues.

They come to us and ask what they can do to attract a RP man and then they argue with everything we say. But they like the tacklebox on their face; they wouldn’t be true to their nature if they weren’t a battleaxe. They KNOW that their appearance, personality and actions drive good men away, but they refuse to change any of these things and instead bemoan that high value men aren’t tripping over themselves to come sweep them off their feet.

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There is a ton of good advice from a lot of people, but these young women argue with every piece of it. There are women who have been married for a long time and RP men who know what they want saying the same things to these girls. They have been born and raised on the You Go Grrrrl!! attitude since birth and nothing will sway them from this path.

They know what they have to do to attract a quality man, but they refuse to do it, yet here they are asking for our input. They have all had bad relationships with men because their actions drive off the good ones. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that quality men have options and don’t want to handle a difficult woman.

Dana is excellent as always and really gets to the nut of the problem. Sometimes it is like banging my head against a brick wall and complaining that my head hurts, and sometimes these girls absolutely break my heart, but I’m only showing you the cautionary tales. Some young women come to RPW and learn and try and make their relationships better. Thank goodness 🙂

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53 thoughts on “Love Me for Me

  1. ar10308

    Running that subreddit must take huge amounts of patience and energy because of all the Hamsters you have to deal with.

    I’m not super active on the RP men subreddit, but I keep up on reading the threads. I can tell you that they are probably a lot easier to deal with than the RPW subreddit, mainly because most of the guys who find their way on are already prepared for the message.

  2. TempestTcup Post author

    ar10308

    Right, I go on the men’s side every once in a while and they are a lot more accepting of the message.

    The women are mostly “I am perfect just the way I am, but why won’t any good men date me? I know, because there are no good men!”

    Hamsterrific!

  3. Stingray

    Something that I find frustrating there. So few are capable of seeing any kind of sliding scale. It’s all or nothing for every concept. It’s like they see what we say as some kind of impaled in stone set of rules that cannot EVAH be swayed from.

  4. TempestTcup Post author

    Sis

    LOL, yes, and it’s all so confusing sometimes. It’s easy to lose sight of the women that are doing well and concentrate on the ones that aren’t getting it. Like the bad kid getting all the attention.

  5. TempestTcup Post author

    Right like when they say that they want to be RPW but they want to work. That’s fine, many RPW work!

    They don’t get that it is about knowing how people work and traditional gender roles and how men and women are different. We don’t really have many other rules except: look good, be pleasant, and keep his balls empty and his stomach full. Oh, and self improvement is a biggie, too.

  6. donalgraeme

    My latest post touches on this somewhat. Many of these women don’t want to change because they like how they feel as they are now. And since women are true to their feelings, they don’t want to change and risk losing out on this feeling.

  7. TempestTcup Post author

    donalgraeme

    This is true, the red flag girl says that she has all of her piercings, tattoos, and bright hair because she really likes all of the attention.

    The other girl sounded sad because she knows that she won’t ever find a man because of her unpleasant attitude, yet she refuses to be more pleasant because that would be untrue to herself. That one made me sad.

  8. donalgraeme

    Right like when they say that they want to be RPW but they want to work. That’s fine, many RPW work!

    The question is why she wants to work. She doesn’t want to be bored? Thats good. I am, and I suspect many other men would be as well, ok with my new bride working at first. At least, until the kids show up. She won’t be bored once they start to build up. But if she wants to work because she wants to remain independent, or because her career is really, really important… yeah, no dice. I know where that leads.

    They don’t get that it is about knowing how people work and traditional gender roles and how men and women are different. We don’t really have many other rules except: look good, be pleasant, and keep his balls empty and his stomach full. Oh, and self improvement is a biggie, too.

    I would say thats a good start, but there really is more.

  9. Stingray

    it might be a little presumptuous of me to post my own stuff

    I always hesitate to do that too, then I wonder, what if it will help?! Back and forth, back and forth.

    Wait, did someone say that women have difficulty making decisions? 🙂

    I think this is a great post and could really make for good conversation there.

  10. donalgraeme

    Yeah, I read that first story. That woman has a lot of potential. She has something really great going for her: virgin. She has several good things going for her: Gamer, well-endowed. And then she has a plethora of small-to-medium things going against her. But those things she can change, and turn herself into a high-value woman who can snag a high-value man. But she doesn’t want to, because she wants to have her cake and eat it to- to get all that attention which feels great, and also snag a high-value man. Too bad they are mutually exclusive.

  11. TempestTcup Post author

    donalgraeme

    Right, there is more, those are just the basics.

    When I was a kid in the 60s, almost all of the wives worked until they got pregnant, stayed home until the youngest was in school full time, and then went back to work – they even did it in the idyllic 50s when everyone thinks that all women were housewives.

    With public school the way it is, I would either suggest staying home and homeschooling or maybe private schools. I liked being raised in the Catholic tradition, but I’m not sure how liberalized the Catholic schools are today. Back in the 60s & 70s Nuns pretty much ran the schools, but I’m not sure they do anymore.

  12. donalgraeme

    Its going to be homeschooling for my family if that is in any way an option. Public schools are sewers, and frankly, I don’t think Catholic schools are much better these days. Those run by nuns are not guaranteed to be any better given how feminized a number of orders have become in recent years.

  13. Stingray

    Oh, I’ll put it up, if you’re good with it. I just wanted to double check that you were good with this being up over there! The increase in traffic can be a bit nerve-racking for me sometimes and I remember you saying the same once before.

  14. TempestTcup Post author

    donalgraeme was right, his post: http://donalgraeme.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/i-feel-like-i-forgot-something/

    And A♠’s post: http://80proofoinomancy.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/every-vow-you-break-every-smile-you-fake/

    do explain a lot of the trouble I’m having with these girls. I think that the internet and social media tend to desensitize girls so that they need more and more attention to get through the day. They don’t realize that the internet isn’t real life.

    Edited to add that Matt Forney’s newest post is along the same lines: http://mattforney.com/2014/01/08/the-key-logger-a-forbidden-glimpse-into-the-true-nature-of-women-by-nicholas-jack/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+MattForney+%28Matt+Forney%29

  15. TempestTcup Post author

    Stingray

    Sure, go for it! Sometimes I do get a little freaked out and overwhelmed by traffic but I’ve learned to quit looking at my stats, lol.

  16. Stingray

    Its going to be homeschooling for my family if that is in any way an option

    In the states, this shouldn’t be a problem. It’s when you get oversees that it becomes more difficult.

  17. donalgraeme

    From that photo she doesn’t look that bad. Would need to see her without the makeup to get a better idea. Well, that plus a body shot to determine her “number.”

  18. donalgraeme

    @ Stingray

    In the states, this shouldn’t be a problem. It’s when you get oversees that it becomes more difficult.

    For the moment. I rather suspect the Cathedral will be going after it again soon enough.

  19. ar10308

    At her current level, she’s a 5.
    Based on the photo I’d say she has the potential to reach as high as a 7 based on how full her face is. If she were to drop 15 or 20lbs, then redo her make-up, piercings and hair she could hit 7, especially since she claims to have big boobs.
    She won’t be able to hit 8, she just doesn’t have that level of natural beauty,

  20. ar10308

    I didn’t know she was only 18. In that case, she has a good amount of potential.

    I read her Reddit post. It seems to me that she doesn’t realize how she’ll benefit by having the security and strength of a good man. What’s funny is that I’ve seen a girl or 2 who were somewhat like her in attitude change their attitude quite drastically when they found a guy they really wanted because they suddenly realize how much they enjoy it.

    I think if you were to speak to her again, you may want to convey this to her, because I don’t think she realizes it or thinks it can happen for her if she does the prep work.

  21. ar10308

    I forgot to add: She’s also very skilled with her makeup, so she can use that to look her best instead of looking like Ariel from the Little Mermaid.

  22. ar10308

    I noticed that a ton of her comments were deleted. Sounds like her little hamster just overloaded and freaked out. She comes across as very confused and her mind pulling her in many different directions. On one hand she admits she wants a good man (I don’t think she knows why though, so she says that because her biology wants a man), on the other she wants to be insufferable so none will want to be around her. She’s a house divided against herself.
    Did anyone ever ask her why she wanted a man in the first place?

  23. Stingray

    Oh donal. It is. In crazy ways. That particular law was introduced on a Tuesday and completely removed by Friday (maybe even Thursday?). The backlash was enormous. The Cathedral (I really hate that name), discovered with homeschoolers what they are slowly discovering with the Sphere. They will NOT back down and they will fight. It actually freaked the politician out, the reaction that this got. I think she said something along the lines of, I will never go after homeschool laws again.

  24. Stingray

    On one hand she admits she wants a good man

    But at 18, in this culture, a good man means a confident man that I will find infinitely attractive who will love me for me, never expect me to change and provide everything I ever wanted.

    She has no idea what a good man means in the really real world. This is one of many ways the feminism hurts women. I was very sad for this girl.

  25. TempestTcup Post author

    ar10308

    No, I think the whole post was just to rant about how the male RP subreddit says they didn’t like tattoos, piercings, etc. TRP said all of the things were a red flag & our explanations of why they were red flags was not well received.

    I think she thought that we would be all Team Woman and tell her “You Go Grrrrlll!!!” and then when we didn’t, she got mad.

    Or she was a troll, but I don’t think so.

  26. TempestTcup Post author

    Stingray

    Yea, they all kind of break my heart and at the same time make me sort of mad. They are so messed up but it’s really not entirely their fault – they have been raised to be completely self-absorbed yet they’ve been pretty neglected and they’ve been given really bad advice. I really have no cure for the problem except to keep plugging along and help as many as possible.

  27. donalgraeme

    @ Stingray

    Yeah, I don’t like the term the Cathedral either. But it seems to be taking on general use. I guess I need to come up with a better term. Personally, I’m rather fond of the First Estate right now, but I haven’t given it serious thought.

  28. donalgraeme

    That is an unfortunate, sad story. That young woman, an 18 year old virgin, has so much potential…. Its just damned frustrating to me to hear stories like that. A century ago, heck, even 50 years ago, those women would have been prime marriage material. But now? Now she, with all of her potential, refuses to accept what is necessary for her to realize all of that. And people wonder why I’m so depressed all of the time. Stories like that are the answer.

  29. A Northern Observer

    Some people like their sad situation because it’s all they know, and it’ll be completely futile to try and change them until they’re willing to change. Until then, trying to ‘help’ them is only e recipe for a headache.

  30. TempestTcup Post author

    A Northern Observer

    True. I assume when someone comes to us and asks, that they want an answer, but a lot of times they just want to complain.

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  32. lauratheringmistress

    @donal, late to the party here, but your but it’s right on homeschooling. There are some great orders of nuns out there now. (Hint: Look for lots of young, happy faces and traditional habits in their brochures.) But most are cloistered. The Nashville Dominicans, who I do believe run a school, are one of the few that are out in the world, involved in education, and solid. A homeschooling woman is never bored. Exhausted and overwhelmed, but never bored. Unless you count the starvation for adult conversation when they’re all little. But that’s what co-ops and playgroups are for.

    @Tempest, I think this phenomenon is a variant on “just be yourself”. See, there’s a good version of this, where it’s about being unapologetic about what you love and care about. A woman shouldn’t conceal her intelligence, love of mechanics or rocketry, comic book collection, or other quirks just to catch a guy. She needs to find the one who thinks it’s cool that she also loves the Orioles and has season tickets, or that plans to attend every comic con with her. Just like a guy should conceal his nerdiness. He should own it.

    And then there’s the bad version which says that I should be lazy and not change any of my bad habits. One is about being true to who you are. The other is about avoiding the work of being the best you you can be.

  33. TempestTcup Post author

    lauratheringmistress

    Yes, these are girls having trouble finding good men yet instead of doing things to attract the good men, they are actively doing things to repel the good men because quitting doing any of the negative things, would mean not “being true to themselves”.

  34. Emma the Emo

    There is something both right and wrong in this attitude.

    Right: when you are very close to someone, they will find out your flaws. You can strive to act better, but they will find out what you are striving to show less of. They will appreciate the effort of reining in your bad traits, and love you anyway. They will love you “for you”, despite your inner flaws. Because the rest of you is totally worth it.

    Wrong: if you think you should be allowed to act without any restraint and your SO should just tolerate it, you’re acting selfish and unloving. They deserve your best (that’s why you’ve chosen this person, right?).

    Another thought. Sometimes it’s simply about incompatibility. Nothing to do here, except choose each other correctly 🙂

  35. Eric

    Perhaps instead of finding a good man ‘to love me’, she should be oriented to a good man for her to love. What does it take for her to love well instead of be loved.

  36. Eric

    As far as the frustration of “They come to us and ask what they can do to attract a RP man and then they argue with everything we say”, the red pill – both the men’s and women’s versions – takes time to assimilate.

    The best thing I’ve done in my life is be a soldier. The person I credit for planting the seed was (I believe) an Army private on leave after Basic and/or AIT, doing hometown recruiter, which I did before my first duty station. Wearing civvies, he snuck into my high school, picked me, and laid on an Army recruiting pitch. I was pissed. I felt insulted. I ripped into him using 60s-radical anti-military talking points. I embarrassed him, as I intended. When I left school that day, I passed him standing with a uniformed Army recruiter. I smirked at them.

    Yet his words carried me into the recruiter’s office when I joined the Army. I don’t know the kid’s name. I never saw him again. If he remembers me at all, it’s as an anti-military punk. For all I know, I talked him into doubting his choice to serve. He doesn’t know he succeeded.

    You being patient mentoring these girls, it’s the right thing to do. If I were religious, I would call it God’s work. Maybe you’ll make a difference with them. Maybe you won’t. You may never know which ones you’ve truly affected. The ones who push back the most may be the ones more likely to change.

  37. TempestTcup Post author

    “Perhaps instead of finding a good man ‘to love me’, she should be oriented to a good man for her to love. What does it take for her to love well instead of be loved.”

    This is excellent, Eric. I hope you don’t mind if I steal it and use it repeatedly on RPW!

  38. TempestTcup Post author

    Emma the Emo

    Right, once you are in a relationship it’s okay if you aren’t perfect as long as you are trying, but to be awful to the most important person in your life is unacceptable.

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  40. seriouslypleasedropit

    Ack, Stingray, that homeschooling story is atrocious. The story that inspired the law was about a mom who was both a homeschooler and an adulterer—the law, of course, focused on the homeschooling status. Sheesh.

  41. Stingray

    seriouslypleasedropit,

    It’s disgusting isn’t it? I don’t know the whole story, but apparently social services has been called more than once and THEY dropped the ball. So, of course, it must the homeschooling that is the problem, right? Social services causes more children harm . . . .

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