Monthly Archives: March 2014

Hair as an Indicator of Health

hair

Not too long ago I had very thin hair; I was using the flat iron a lot and eating the government sanctioned “healthy diet”. I was probably about 45 years old when I was at dinner with the family and one of my sisters mentioned that my hair was getting thin. She had just gone through a thin hair period (it runs in the family), and I’m pretty sure she fixed it with Rogaine or something like that.

I didn’t really do anything about it right away; I think I started taking gelatin and biotin supplements, but I tend to take supplements pretty haphazardly. A few months later I got a horrible haircut; I had been going to this girl and she was really great, and my hair looked awesome, but this time she butchered my hair. She took off about four or five inches and did something with my side bangs that just ruined that entire side of my hair. My husband was not happy with how short it was at all, and this was when I started concentrating on my hair in earnest.

Searching, the most common thing I read about growing hair was drinking bone broth, so I started making that. Just prior to this I had discovered saturated fats and animal fats and was experimenting with those. Seriously, saturated fats (butter, coconut oil, bacon fat, etc) changed my life. My body and brain LOVE them. I’m drinking coffee with raw heavy cream right now!

During this search and research, I discovered the Paleo/Primal Diet, and whereas I don’t religiously stick to it now, it really pretty much changed my life, too. Cutting out most of my carbs eventually cut out most of my inflammation. Before, I was mostly vegetarian, and after I was mostly carnivore. Not “you are what you eat” (who wants to be a grain or vegetable?) but “eat what you are” (you are an animal!).

For thick healthy hair, there is only so much you can do on the outside to help: you can quit using high heat appliances, you can oil your hair, you can only shampoo twice a week with a sulfite free shampoo and conditioner, you can go No Poo, but eventually you have to go to the source of the problem. You have to fix your body before you can fix your hair. If your body isn’t healthy, your hair probably won’t be either. A lot of hair is genetic, but if you give your body the necessary building blocks, you can maximize your hair growth.

I tried to use my flat iron as little as possible, and I thought that it was the main culprit as far as my thin hair went, and it did help, but I needed more. I was making bone broths and using them for soup but I didn’t really think of using them as lunch until I discovered intermittent fasting (IF), and broth fasting. I don’t constantly IF, though; I go on spurts of IF, resistant starch, and eating whatever leftovers that I happen to bring from home for lunch. I eat a full regular dinner with my husband each evening.

So, what is my current regimen? Monday morning I wash and blow-dry straight (I have very curly hair that is easier to straighten than it is to make the curls behave). Tuesday I use a YouCurl curling iron (I curl my hair in only three parts: back, and both sides for larger curls) to reduce bedhead ; it is damaging, but since it’s not used near the roots like a flat iron, it doesn’t thin your hair. Wednesday and Friday I shampoo and blow-dry, and Thursday, Saturday and Sunday I use the YouCurl. Sometimes I wear a hat on Sundays, LOL.

The evenings before shampoo day, I will oil my hair with either coconut oil or Argan oil or both. Every day after drying/curling, I use a tiny amount of pomade (wax) from either Pantene or Herbal Essences to make my hair less static and look more polished. The main reason I don’t shampoo every day is because I do more damage to my hair when I do. I looked for a dry shampoo to try, but I couldn’t find one, and then decided that I didn’t want to put any chemicals on my scalp. I’ve heard you can use baby powder or baking soda, but I’m not that adventurous.

Recently, I have been taking a couple of tablespoons of Blackstrap Molasses before bed with the zinc and magnesium supplements that I take to sleep (excellent sleep aid!). Molasses is also good for sleep like raw honey is. The honey didn’t seem to help my sleep, but I’ve been sleeping like crazy with the Molasses.

To improve the gelatin in my bone broth, I have been getting chicken feet at the Asian Market to add to my chicken broth and I have been getting cow hooves, feet, and tendons for my beef broth. My hair is now nice and full, and I only have another four inches to grow it before it will be the perfect length. The funny thing is that before starting on bone broth, both my husband and I were going gray, but after, both of our hair went back dark. I hardly have any gray right now and I’m in my early fifties.

Everyone remarks on how young we both look, and I’m pretty sure it is the collagen and gelatin (and minerals?) in the broth. I think it is helping our bodies resist “going south”. When you get to our age, and I’m in the middle of menopause, which doesn’t help at all, everything starts to sag. There really isn’t any way to stop this, but I think that broth helps retard the process. With a good diet, lots of broth, tons of squats, kettlebell swings, and some weight training, you can be in really good shape well into old age.

10 Best Ways to Laugh at Tucker Max

tucker max cat meme

1. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

2. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!!!!!!!!   [Note: Dr Illusion has since make the post private and wrote another post after corresponding with TM.]

3. HAHA-LOL-HAHA-LOL-HAHA-LOL-HAHA-LOL-HAH!!!!!!!!

4. giggleCLAPgiggleCLAPgiggleCLAPgiggleCLAPgiggle!!!!!!!!

5. ZomgZomgZomgZomgZomgZomgZomgZomgZom!!!!!!!

6. heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!!!!!!!!

7. heh.

8. Yeah, that’s all I got; just wanted to get in on the fun!

9. Bwhahahaha!      <——-Everyone needs to read this – Free Northerner can see the future!

Invasion of the Blob Girls

blobfish-1csjocl

My husband drags me around (kicking and screaming, lol) to a bunch of tiny neighborhood dives for happy hour, and there is a trend that I have been noticing for the past few years that has been getting worse and worse: Blob Girl Bartenders. They look blobby, have zero personality, have their noses stuck in their phones 24/7, their bars are always sticky and filthy, and it is impossible to get a beer from them.

When you do finally get their attention you notice the vacant look in their eyes; there’s no working brain back there. The rare male bartender doesn’t have this problem, isn’t constantly checking his phone and will actually get you a beer. I’m not sure where all of the male bartenders went, but all of our bars are now almost completely staffed by blob girls for happy hour; maybe the male bartenders work the higher paying night shifts (we aren’t out at night).

Back in the day, before smart phones, the bartender would be forced to engage the public out of sheer boredom. Since they weren’t able to check their facebook status constantly, they would talk to their customers and might even notice that their customer’s drinks were low. Shocking, I know!

Bartenders were part of the bar-going entertainment and the more entertaining the bartender, the fuller the bar, the more drinks sold, and the more money the bartender makes. There used to be this concept of cultivating a clientele so that when you went to work you stayed busy and made money, but these girls are just putting in their time behind the bar. They are bored and boring.

I want to shake them and tell them to engage their customers and make money! If I have to be somewhere I don’t want to be, I want to make as much money there as humanly possible. I don’t understand working somewhere where you rely on sales for income and not making those sales or income. Why bother showing up in the first place?

The sad thing about this trend is that I’m pretty sure that these girls are incapable of engaging a customer. Some of them we have known for years and have never had a conversation. They were raised on social media and communicating online and may not even be able to carry on a conversation in person. I wouldn’t know; I’ve never seen them even try.

Some of the blob girls will advance to bar manager, and then they hire even blobbier girls to bartend. It is like they barely scraped together enough gumption to make it to manager, and they don’t want competition, yet they need a consistent warm body behind the bar. But they don’t want that warm body to outshine them in any way, so they hire women who are even more bovine and cud-chewing than themselves.

There are woman bartenders with a work ethic and pleasing personality, but they are very rare around here. There is also a bar staffed purely by males, and they are entertaining, clean, and efficient. When a bartender stops to refill a drink, wipe down a part of the bar or empty an ashtray, those are all excellent opportunities to engage their customers and compel those customers to return.

When a bartender has her nose in her phone, she doesn’t notice the empty drink, the mess on the bar, and the full ashtray. She misses a chance to get to know her customers and to cultivate a working relationship with them. She misses the chance to ply her trade and make more money. I don’t think that Blob Girls are exclusive to the bar industry either; I think that they are everywhere, in every sort of job, watching the clock and doing the least work possible until they can finally leave. Please don’t be a Blob!

#MMGMMD Post Mortem

Mardi-Gras-Beads

I’m finally recovered from the Mardi Gras trip, and I’m almost caught up on all my work. It was, all in all, despite the injuries, a very good trip with a lot of really great people. It started out Wednesday, getting packed and driving to Dallas to see AryaBlueBaby and her husband. We had wine and he grilled steaks; it was a lovely time seeing them again.

The next morning we had what was supposed to be a seven hour drive to the hotel in New Orleans, but due to the traffic jams in Baton Rouge and on the endless bridges of stopped cars between Lafayette and NO, it took an extra three hours. We met up with Mitch and Jeremy at the hotel, had a couple of drinks, welcomed Matt to NO, and headed on out to Bourbon Street.

It was pretty deserted, but the weather was nice and so we wandered around there, seeing the sights and the most beat strippers I’ve ever seen. One poor girl had the worst case of flapjack boobs, and I really wanted to tip her heavily to help fund her future boob job, but I didn’t have any cash, and she probably would have just blown it on rent or food or something stupid like that.

I had the worst hangover Friday morning, and I rarely have hangovers. I’m blaming it on eating nothing Thursday except a couple slices of Jeremy & Mitch’s leftover pizza, drinking one sickly sweet hand grenade (gag), a bunch of $10 beers, and then going back to the room and drinking a bunch of bourbon and rice beer.

Friday we finally got up and about and decided to go eat at IHop. So gross. Floppy little pieces of meat with undercooked eggs drowned in some sort of questionable industrial oil. I forced what I could down the gullet, and then DoktorBill and Jeremy took care of my pancakes and hashbrowns. We hung out at the hotel for a while to meet up with Dr. Illusion and Mistress, and took off back to Bourbon Street.

It was a little more crowded on Friday, but after going to another (the same?) beat strip club, we settled upstairs in a nice little bar with a balcony. It was the perfect amount of people and craziness and noise, and we had a blast. We went back to the hotel late and gabbed until the wee hours. The next day we had a new member of the group, B.A. I didn’t see much of him, but he seems like a cool guy.

Saturday we went to see a big parade, Endymion, and those suckers were mean. They were throwing bags of crappy beads, and they were throwing them to maim. They hit Matt on the head and left a good-sized scab, and then they hit our Styrofoam cooler and blew that thing apart. I couldn’t even tell you how many times I got hit in the head with stuff. The closest restroom was at the Wynn Dixie, about six blocks away, which was handy; one stop to empty your bladder and then get supplies to fill it back up!

After the parade, we made the stupid move of going back to Bourbon Street. So stupid. It took so long to get there in the traffic jam that Matt at one point jumped out of the van and pissed on a fence. My husband and I had to go so bad that when we finally did arrive and get out of the cab, we ran to the nearest bar to pee. They said there was a one drink minimum, but after peeing, we just left. No incentive after.

The crowd was thick and full of fat old drunk zombies wearing beads. I bullied my way through the crowd until we finally found the bar from Friday. After paying $20 to get in, DoktorBill and I saw Mitch’s yellow hat at the back door. I bullied my way to the door and just barely was able to grab his scruff before he was lost to the crowd outside. Mitch, Jeremy, DoktorBill and I went upstairs and had a few beers. Did I mention that we might have ingested some LSD? There was too much noise, sensations and adrenaline in our systems to get any good visuals, but I was strangely sober and DoktorBill was very wasted. I tried to hammer some beer to get unsober, but it didn’t do any good.

Our phones didn’t work. We were unable to call or text anyone to try and find the rest of our group, so we hoped they knew where the hotel was and would be able to make it home. We left the little bar we were in and got back into the crowds; the streets were twice as crowded, and Jeremy was leading, pulling me along, DoktorBill was hanging on to me, trying to not fall down, and Mitch was bringing up the rear.

We literally were crushed by the crowd. I don’t know how we made it out of there, but all of a sudden, we stepped into an open space, a cab pulled up and the doors opened. The driver’s window was open so I asked if he was for hire and he said, “Get in!” The loveliest words I have ever heard. We got in and finally made it back to our hotel.

We never saw Dr. Illusion, Mistress and B.A. again; they all left early Sunday morning. We should have, if we knew better, all just gone back to the hotel and partied instead of going to Bourbon Street. We all would have been a lot better off and Matt and I wouldn’t have injured ourselves. Matt twisted his ankle badly and it was swollen and purple, and my innards were crushed.

I was so sore Sunday; my entire torso hurt from bullying my way through the crowds and being crushed. I didn’t know it at the time, but between eating nothing but crap, over-extending my bladder capacity, and being crushed, my organs weren’t working properly. Sunday night we chatted in the room until I started nodding off, and then Mitch, Jeremy and DoktorBill solved all of the world’s problems until early the next morning.

Monday we were supposed to meet for lunch and get some po’boys, but there were no cabs available and after Saturday night, we had little incentive to return to any sort of crowded environment. My gut was much worse Monday morning, and it was then that I realized that my whole gut/elimination system were not working. I took some cranberry and felt a lot better for it.

We just stayed in the room the entire day tripping. It was just the last five survivors, hobbled and crushed, tripping in a dingy, smoky hotel room. It was awesome! It was the best day of the entire trip. We had a ton of glow stick jewelry that we cracked open and played with and DoctorBill’s duct tape came in handy to tape the curtains shut to blot out that nasty sunshine.

Tuesday morning, I thought I was going to have to go to the ER. I was doubled over in pain and couldn’t even roll over in bed on my own. As grimy as New Orleans is (they take pride in their “historic” grime) I really didn’t want to see what the inside of their hospital looked like. I was in the throes of a burgeoning upper urinary tract infection with terrible constipation and crushed innards. It was really bad. Then I realized that I needed to take action, so I started taking a ton of cranberry geltabs. I felt a little better immediately.

There wasn’t any way that I was going to be able to travel on Tuesday, and it was cold and rainy, so we didn’t want to see parades. I just kept drinking water and taking cranberry until I felt halfway normal again, and I went to bed early. I wasn’t able to really even eat anything even though we went to a nice restaurant with yummy food. The next morning, I felt a little better and we got up early, packed, and hit the road home.

I did go see a doctor when I got back to make sure all of my internal organs were still intact, and he said that I was definitely crushed, but there was no indication of permanent damage. Since then, I have been trying to recover and catch up on work. I’ve been eating good, healthy home-cooked meals and started a batch of bone broth. I can’t wait for the next meetup! Please let it be more tripping and less injuries 🙂