Monthly Archives: October 2015

CandyCrush: the Man she always Wanted


Have you ever wondered why women flock towards silly little video games like Farmville and CandyCrush? It’s because they use Game. Yes, the very same Game that Red Pill men use. Think about it, they are very visually appealing, and they reward intermittently. They have the things required for a good addiction. The looks draw you in and the intermittent rewards hook you.

And seriously, these games get into your head; I had to quit playing both CandyCrush and Farmville because they started invading my dreams. They are still occasionally in my dreams now, months later. A friend had to quit playing Plants vs. Zombies because it took up all of her time and kept her up at night. She was completely addicted.

If you reward too often and without making the woman work for it, she will get bored and lose interest; if you make her work too hard for it, she will give up and find someone easier; if you make her work for it just enough and reward unevenly, sometimes huge exciting rewards for little work, sometimes small rewards for a ton of hard work, she gets hooked.

It’s the push/pull that addicts. The games start out easy, way too easy, teaching you how to play; they are fun, light, don’t require much thought: a mindless distraction. Then the game gets a little harder, and the rewards don’t necessarily line up with the amount of work done. As you advance each level, it gets harder and harder, some levels it’s almost impossible to reach your goal, and then it inexplicably gets super easy, rewarding you handsomely for minimum effort. There’s an almost euphoric feeling of pleasure when rewarded enormously for very little effort after working so hard for so little; it’s like a sumptuous banquet after starving for a week.

It’s like Game in ways much like how RP instructs men to answer every three texts with one. Make her work for it. Even in flirting the push/pull is crazy effective; that’s all a “neg” is: a compliment wrapped in a subtle tease; it raises her hopes while lowering them at the same time. They mess with her emotions. Pay her a lot of attention at some times, and ignore her at others. The more you make her emotions rollercoaster, the more hooked she gets. You have to play like CandyCrush though, start small and work your way up; just like a real rollercoaster.

Sometimes reward hard work with a big payout (affection/time/nice restaurant); sometimes reward it with a smile and a kiss; sometimes don’t reward at all. Reward little things she does with huge payouts (vacation) very, very sporadically. Keep her guessing and working for those payouts, never knowing whether it will be large, small, or not at all.

On the other hand, reward bad behavior with withdrawal of affection/time/etc., of course. That goes without saying. Even getting upset at bad behavior is a sort of reward: it gives her attention. The best way of dealing with bad behavior is one strong “Quit.”, and if that doesn’t work, calmly gather your stuff and walk out the door.

Femininity Cosplay: a Sh!t-Filled Twinkie


I found this post on Twitter this morning (H/T Private Man), and this passage stood out to me:

From the practical standpoint, a man who makes less than I do becomes a financial liability. After all, we women can have our own children, and push comes to shove, it would be much easier for me to just have my own kids and date whomever I want on the side without being financially responsible for them. So no matter how you look at it, I am better off alone than with a 60% guy. Personally, after struggling for some time with this issue and realizing that I need to start doing something differently if I am to succeed in my love quest, I have developed a new “multi-faceted strategy.”

I have undergone a rather dramatic makeover. I grew long hair and dyed it blond which gave me a softer, more feminine look. I gave all my trousers to charity and started wearing bright colored dresses and skirts and high heels. I began applying makeup routinely. I re-thought the way I speak and made an effort to not express any strong opinions. I stopped saying “I think” and started saying “I feel.” You get the idea. With respect to the type of men I am looking for – I still want those 95th percentile guys. Except they don’t have to be in that percentile in all aspects. I’d gladly date a 5’4’’ tall master of the universe who may lack external attributes of manliness but can make me feel special in so many different ways. Or, I’d date a law enforcement professional who may not make as much as a financial whiz, but is big, strong and can handle difficult situations and protect his family like no one else. Or, I could date a guy who is in a sense my “clone” but is substantially older than me (we’re talking 20+ years, considering I am in my late 20’s I have ample headroom there) and would therefore never feel competitive, but could rather be a mentor.

I am not in a steady relationship yet, but the quality of my dating life has improved dramatically, and I feel that I am a lot closer to finding that special guy than I was a year ago.

Notice that she changes her appearance, but doesn’t change her attitude at all. She’s still the aggressive ball buster she always was, but now she is wrapped in a pretty pink bow. The quality of her dating life has improved because she looks more accessible, so a better class of men will ask her out, but they don’t keep her.

Repeatedly on RPW, women come on complaining how they started wearing dresses, cooking, and being outwardly more feminine, but whereas they have much better luck with dating, they are still not having luck in the relationship department. They don’t understand that a veneer of femininity will only help with attraction; it doesn’t make the man want to keep you around, like he would if you had an agreeable personality.

Being a shrew, looking down your nose at people, being disrespectful, etc. is not a very good relationship strategy no matter how much you pretty up the outside. No matter how soft, moist, and sweet the cake part of the Twinkie, people will still spit it out if it is filled with shit. Cosplaying femininity is acting the part, not internalizing it. Instead, develop a pleasant personality, and when you find the right man, allow yourself to be vulnerable and respectful instead of busting his balls.

The whole post linked is pretty good, and in the rest of her submission to Evan Marc Katz’s blog post, you will find out that she considers herself in the 90th percentile in looks, intelligence and income. We will never know if she is over-valuing herself in the looks department since there was no photo, and I’m certain that she has had her intelligence tested, but 90th percentile is only 120, which isn’t really very high.

It’s the money/career part where she gets her attitude. She’s hot snot in the job department, and probably doesn’t realize that most men are not sexually attracted to a woman’s career. She has effectively priced herself out of the relationship market, and since she’s in her late twenties, she has aged out of the teeny bit of market (men in the 95th percentile) she has left. By this I mean that men in the 95th percentile are the ones that all women want, so not only does she have fierce competition, but it is a lot younger, too.

The Travel-Widow, or why travel for the single woman is a red flag


There is a discussion on the RPW subreddit about why traveling as a single woman is a red flag, and most of the women took this personally, and got very upset about it saying things like, “I don’t entirely understand how going to the Vatican and Coliseum with my closest friends rendered me a slutty woman” as if all travel instantly rendered you a slut. Here is my response to a question asking me to explain why travel for the single woman is a red flag:

We talk in generalities, which we do a lot because we talk about the main portion of today’s society. There are always outliers, of course, that don’t behave like the big bump in the bell curve, which is why “my own personal experiences” don’t rule out the majority of experiences.

Now, look around at 80% of women, their selfies on facebook, and their motives for travel. It’s not to gain knowledge of other cultures, because they are visiting friends, or because they have a certain job to do (traveling for business, school, peace corps, etc.). Their main reason, if you dig deep, is to escape their boring lives and and for a little excitement while visiting foreign places.

It’s the excitement that does a lot of the damage, and if she regularly escapes her reality and trades it for a new exotic environment with new exotic people, she sort of gets addicted to those highs, and her normal life seems even more boring in comparison.

It’s a situation much like the alpha widow who has sex with men way above her MMV (marriage market value). She is able to do so because her SMV (sexual market value) is at their lower end of tolerance, and because, frankly, some men will use any hole offered. Men will have sex with women with lower SMV than a woman they would date and show their friends, etc. So the alpha widow has sex with these men and then decides to settle down, but can only attract men of a lesser caliber for a LTR or marriage than they were able to have sex with. This leads to dissatisfaction with what she can actually get, and fond memories of those other, hotter guys (plus the thrills, etc.)

Back to traveling, if a woman escapes to exotic and exciting places, and sometimes meets short-term “love” along the way, which happens more than you would think, these experiences etch into her memory. Her normal life seems more mundane in comparison, and dissatisfaction and the urge for more excitement grows.

This is coupled with the fact that traveling is so easy; it requires nothing from her except money and time. It’s not like she is working hard towards a goal that will actually enrich her as a person; she is merely jumping on a plane and then when there she looks around, takes pictures, and eats. It requires nothing from her mentally, much like how easy it is to get sex from that hot guy at the bar.

Women also seem to think that travel makes them interesting, when in reality it’s the places they go that are interesting; the woman herself is still the same woman who jumped on that plane. She thinks that she has accomplished something, when in reality, all she did was jump on that plane.

It’s the easy thrills that require no effort that are the problem here. Then you get home, have to work, clean the house, and everything seems hard and boring in real life compared to easy thrills of traveling. I don’t really think that most women slutted their way across Europe, or that it’s a slut-tell (although I’m certain that a lot of them did – who would ever know what you did so far away from home with that exciting man in the foreign land) as much as it sets them up for dissatisfaction in their ordinary lives.

Now of course some women go to learn a language, take part in a foreign exchange program, or some other reason than vapid voyeurism of a foreign land, and that isn’t really what we are talking about here; we are talking about 80% of women who go to escape and experience some mindless thrills.

The Endless Stranger-Based LDR


I’ve been noticing a trend at the RPW subreddit: there are a very large number of young women in more or less permanent Long Distance Relationships while being almost complete strangers to their “SOs”. They either meet online or while one is traveling to a different city for vacation or work, and then they carry on their romance online with sporadic in-person meetings. There is no end date to these relationships, and many couples have been in these relationships for years and years.

I was trying to figure out why, when a person lives around thousands of other people, they would choose to be attached to someone they cannot be with. There are all sorts of problems involved in these relationships because of the distance and the mode of communication. One woman was worried that her LDR was getting to be too negative in their communications.

I am beginning to blame him for every day we aren’t together. Blame him for the fact that I’m not happy anymore in my own life without him. Every day that he does something else, or sees people other than me, I feel like he is choosing all of them over me. I have totally and completely lost my zen. The real problem is that he knows me so well, I can’t hide it from him. The RPW skill of biting your tongue and being pleasant just does not work with my SO. He pushes me until I’m honest about my feelings (no matter how cruel and completely whacko they are), because he hates that I try to contain them. We end up arguing every time, and it’s a horrible, painful argument for which there is no solution: I’m angry, he’s sad and guilty that we’re long distance, but we have to be long-distance for now.

The problem here is that they talk too much and spend too little time together in person. I don’t know about you, but when my husband and I spend evenings together, we don’t talk the entire time. We relate our day and maybe make future plans or discuss any problems that might creep up, but then we are mostly quiet. I’ll cook dinner, he’ll clean up, we’ll watch a show, etc. Online chats (Skype, etc.) are full of talk and few periods of just sitting together enjoying each other.

Even back in the day people wrote letters to each other and there were periods of time between communications. A letter is a finite communication, and it’s really difficult to get into a random fight with carefully written letters. There’s also the problem with not being in each other’s physical presence: no kisses hello or goodbye, no hugs, no Oxytocin sharing, no snuggling, no regular sex (Skype sex doesn’t count in my book), nothing.

So, back to my original question: Why do people choose LDRs over IRL relationships? One RPW seems to have it figured out:

I was in 2 LT LDRs with no end date in sight, before meeting my current SO (one cross continental for 2+years, another transatlantic!). I originally felt like a romantic victim and star crossed lover who was forever fated to love from afar until my current SO knocked some sense into me that I was choosing distance and creating it for myself. I think lot of the appeal was the fact that I had a lot of time to myself for college and working, I had someone to share the details of my day with, and when we did finally meet up it was explosive and passionate and romantic, then I get to go back to living a normal “single” lifestyle. Technology definitely makes this kind of relationship more accessible; we even had a wordpress blog that I just couldn’t wait to update! But women benefit the most in these situations from the emotional support, while men are forgoing the sexual support that is more important/necessary to them.

I don’t really think the men are necessarily forgoing sex during the periods between visits, but I could be wrong. All of the RPW seem to be completely committed, and not fooling around with other men, but then again they would be extremely unlikely to share that information with that particular community. Plenty of the women in LDRs are worried about their BFs seeing other women, but seriously, you see each other 2-3 times a year for a couple of days each; what’s to stop either from having 5 or 6 different LDRs concurrently?

To me, these relationships amount to a maintenance-free relationship where the man can be your chatty girlfriend during periods apart, and then every month or three you get a two day booty call. It also seems that an incredible amount of young people live online instead of out in public dealing with dating face to face, in person. Dating online is “safer” since you can always walk away from your computer or phone. Since familiarity breeds contempt, it is easier to date someone you never get to see, and then they always seem perfect and faultless. The dream is nicer than reality.

I think that subconsciously they like the idea of distance, and the freedom that distance provides. They chose that person because of the distance. Plus there’s a sense of mystery with a stranger from a different city, and that mystery remains no matter how often you chat online. It’s easy to hide certain things when you don’t live together. There’s a lot less maintenance with these relationships too; you only have to be “on” while talking to them or when visiting, and the rest of the time you can be a different type of person if you like.

We just get so many of these posts and they all seem to say the same things. I think that the chemicals and hormones you release and share from seeing each other in person can’t withstand the periods of separation well. I imagine there is more of a closeness felt immediately after visiting that sort of fades and becomes a fond memory until the next visit. It is more difficult because there are few shared life experiences over the years of LDR, so basically a fragile thread ties them together, and the bond is not cemented like people who spend a lot of time together in person daily or a few times a week.