The Travel-Widow, or why travel for the single woman is a red flag

travel-widow

There is a discussion on the RPW subreddit about why traveling as a single woman is a red flag, and most of the women took this personally, and got very upset about it saying things like, “I don’t entirely understand how going to the Vatican and Coliseum with my closest friends rendered me a slutty woman” as if all travel instantly rendered you a slut. Here is my response to a question asking me to explain why travel for the single woman is a red flag:

We talk in generalities, which we do a lot because we talk about the main portion of today’s society. There are always outliers, of course, that don’t behave like the big bump in the bell curve, which is why “my own personal experiences” don’t rule out the majority of experiences.

Now, look around at 80% of women, their selfies on facebook, and their motives for travel. It’s not to gain knowledge of other cultures, because they are visiting friends, or because they have a certain job to do (traveling for business, school, peace corps, etc.). Their main reason, if you dig deep, is to escape their boring lives and and for a little excitement while visiting foreign places.

It’s the excitement that does a lot of the damage, and if she regularly escapes her reality and trades it for a new exotic environment with new exotic people, she sort of gets addicted to those highs, and her normal life seems even more boring in comparison.

It’s a situation much like the alpha widow who has sex with men way above her MMV (marriage market value). She is able to do so because her SMV (sexual market value) is at their lower end of tolerance, and because, frankly, some men will use any hole offered. Men will have sex with women with lower SMV than a woman they would date and show their friends, etc. So the alpha widow has sex with these men and then decides to settle down, but can only attract men of a lesser caliber for a LTR or marriage than they were able to have sex with. This leads to dissatisfaction with what she can actually get, and fond memories of those other, hotter guys (plus the thrills, etc.)

Back to traveling, if a woman escapes to exotic and exciting places, and sometimes meets short-term “love” along the way, which happens more than you would think, these experiences etch into her memory. Her normal life seems more mundane in comparison, and dissatisfaction and the urge for more excitement grows.

This is coupled with the fact that traveling is so easy; it requires nothing from her except money and time. It’s not like she is working hard towards a goal that will actually enrich her as a person; she is merely jumping on a plane and then when there she looks around, takes pictures, and eats. It requires nothing from her mentally, much like how easy it is to get sex from that hot guy at the bar.

Women also seem to think that travel makes them interesting, when in reality it’s the places they go that are interesting; the woman herself is still the same woman who jumped on that plane. She thinks that she has accomplished something, when in reality, all she did was jump on that plane.

It’s the easy thrills that require no effort that are the problem here. Then you get home, have to work, clean the house, and everything seems hard and boring in real life compared to easy thrills of traveling. I don’t really think that most women slutted their way across Europe, or that it’s a slut-tell (although I’m certain that a lot of them did – who would ever know what you did so far away from home with that exciting man in the foreign land) as much as it sets them up for dissatisfaction in their ordinary lives.

Now of course some women go to learn a language, take part in a foreign exchange program, or some other reason than vapid voyeurism of a foreign land, and that isn’t really what we are talking about here; we are talking about 80% of women who go to escape and experience some mindless thrills.

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11 thoughts on “The Travel-Widow, or why travel for the single woman is a red flag

  1. wordsofgold

    Thanks for breaking that down. Because I married and started a family young, most of my friends from high school are still single. A couple girls I used to be really close to just went on a European backpacking trip. Both girls are really pretty and flirty. My husband and I both knew the trip was a bad idea for them. What happened…I don’t know for sure but I got to see all their selfies and pics with random guys at bars. I just shake my head.

  2. TempestTcup Post author

    Yes, I think most travel by young women is exactly as you described: for adventure and excitement. There are good reason to travel, of course, like traveling with your spouse to relax and bond over shared experiences, or for work or education. Your friends are doing none of that 🙂

  3. donalgraeme

    Excellent post Tempest. I know a lot of women who fit that profile. Even some who aren’t harlots. The problem is that they engaging in a very negative form of behavioral conditioning that will make the rest of their lives difficult to impossible to live and enjoy.

  4. TempestTcup Post author

    Right Donal, even my sisters are always off to resorts and partying in different cities and countries, and whereas they aren’t slutting it up, they pretty much live from one vacation to the next, and use vacation time as soon as they get it. I mean, that is fine for them; they (we, LOL) are old 🙂

    What is really dangerous is when young women do it extensively, and set themselves up for a lifetime of discontent.

  5. wordsofgold

    I hadn’t thought of that. Our families grew up going on big vacations every other month or so, Disneyland, beach resorts, Hawaii, Aruba. Once I moved out and got married I stopped vacationing for obvious reasons, but they have not. That makes a lot of sense. My parents still live that way, living for each new trip.

  6. Richard Cranium

    I’ve always said that when women say they “like to travel” it’s an incomplete sentence. “I like to travel when someone else is paying for it”i s the whole statement. They look at travel as a mark of their SMV as in the more exotic and more distant the locale is they get to travel to the higher there SMV is. Much like how big the diamond ring, designer purse or other useless trendy object that the guy buys them so they can show off to their friends and girls in the office.

  7. TempestTcup Post author

    Yeah, I have a friend who would always beg her parents for money to live (she was in her late 40s too!) and then promptly take a vacation with that money and then beg for more money. The last time she did it she told her parents about her vacation saying “it was a gift to myself” and her parents completely cut her off.

    They were not happy that she blew all of the money they sent her for food and rent on a beach vacation in South America! She starved for a few months, almost got kicked out of her apartment, and then finally decided to get a job, LOL!

  8. TempestTcup Post author

    A comment left on the Redpillwomen Subreddit:

    I’m a 28 year old woman who loves to travel, and I’ll admit that this is 100% true. While I didn’t put too many notches in my belt while studying abroad and backpacking another continent, I definitely had a couple of exotic medium-term romances, and at least two hot weekends with a gorgeous Frenchman.

    Living in another country was a great experience and brought me a lot of perspective, but I didn’t do it to be fluent in another language or experience the plight of the destitute. I did it because I wanted a grand adventure. I got one, and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. But I won’t pretend that sex and partying wasn’t a part of that. It very much was.

    My boyfriend and I recently went on a week-long vacation abroad and it was a bit underwhelming, which it kills me to admit. I had never had the experience of being in a totally foreign place as a couple. Where were the cute guys proposing to me in the street? Where were my invites to guest star on soap operas or join a group of surfers on an impromptu camping trip? That sense of this-night-can-take-you-anywhere-and-you’re-a-fucking-badass-for-not-being-afraid was gone.

    So good job Tempest, your assessment that a history of travel can make other experiences seem boring in comparison is totally spot on (at least for me). Now that I realize this, I am hoping I can go into my boyfriend and my’s upcoming Euro-trip with better perspective. While I certainly enjoyed our last trip, I had a false sense of how things would play out. This time I know its me and my boyfriend against the world, and I’m excited about just snuggling up together and enjoying the sights, not obsessively trying to find cool, unique experiences.

  9. Elspeth

    I began dialoguing with my daughters about this when they were teenagers and their H.S. friends would talk about traveling to this place or that.

    It sank in, thankfully. There is nothing inherently good about traipsing all over the globe, and remember that up until fairly recently, people pretty much stayed put while living good,decent, productive, fruitful lives. Note the dichotomy as chasing adventures has increased.

  10. St. Thomas More Academy

    Never really thought about all that; I had opportunities to travel when I was young as I went to school abroad for one year — which was an incredible and enriching experience — not all young ladies who travel abroad, especially if it’s with your college do so for nefarious reasons, I may add — but with that one exception, where we were surrounded by housemothers and chaperones, one of my parents always traveled with me, usually my mother (I was a state finalist in several competitions and so was chosen to either represent my state or be a part of a state delegation).
    It is a far cry from the trip taken by Miss Katharine Lee Bates who was a schoolteacher all her life and always wanted to see the Rocky Mountains…..from that trip we got a timeless piece of poetry that is one of our nation’s most beloved songs. Maybe instead of looking at all the trash that is common around us, we would all do better to focus on the things that are good. There is no point in focusing on those who are clearly determined to whine and act spoiled, spending money they don’t have and taking trips they don’t need, as well as taking trips with their boyfriends unsupervised. 28 year old woman, whoever you are, get married to him first before going on a trip. You’re causing scandal to everybody. First trip my husband and I took together alone was our honeymoon. We were accompanied by at one of our parents, or at least a sibling, on any trip we took, even a day trip, until that very day.

  11. altamisal

    Interesting perspectives. I’m reminded of Emerson: “Traveling is a fool’s paradise. Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places. At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. I seek the Vatican, and the palaces. I affect to be intoxicated with sights and suggestions, but I am not intoxicated. My giant goes with me wherever I go.”

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