Tag Archives: happiness

This is What is Wrong With the World Today

lazy feminist

It was this comment that I read on reddit. This comment sums up everything wrong with young people and the world today. They have few interests beyond sitting at a computer snarking away at inane posts and pictures. The quote below was written by a user who wrote it yesterday and I had to scroll past about 400 comments that she made to find it again. Looking at her history, she has made over 30 comments in this hour alone.

GO OUTSIDE AND GET SOME SUNSHINE!!!!

I do consider myself a feminist, and that includes believing that every woman has a right to choose the actions and lifestyle she wants without being told what she should or should not do.

I am a very lazy person, and that makes it hard for me when it comes to most things feminine, because being traditionally feminine requires so much effort: I don’t cook anything from a recipe, I never bake, I don’t wear make-up, I don’t decorate, I don’t knit or sew or do crafts, I put minimal effort into my outfits, and I dislike shopping with a passion. However, I don’t really have any traditionally masculine interests, either – I can’t be bothered about sports, I don’t play videogames, I don’t read comic books, I don’t hunt/shoot etc etc.
I am interested in some of these things, I have a passing knowledge of many of them, but I don’t really care very much. Because of this I sometimes find it hard to converse with women on either end of the spectrum (and with men, sometimes) because I am rarely passionate about the things they are passionate about.

Are there other ladies here like me? If so, do you, like me, wonder about your identity as a woman when you don’t really fit any socially defined moulds? Where, or with whom, do you have the hardest time fitting in? How do you deal with any of this?

Corsets & Tight-lacing: A Conversation with Arya Blue (Part 2)

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If you waist train, do you think that the corset permanently changes your shape? Like if I started waist training now, do you think I would change the shape I am even after removing the corset? Do you ever wear other support garments, and if you do, how do they compare with corsets?

ABB: Yes. It can absolutely change the shape of a girls body. Several things contribute to this, first and most common is fat displacement. Over time, tightlacing pushes fat deposits to other areas of the body. Most of this fat movement is not permanent and will have to be maintained to keep the inches off. In the beginning, if you’re dedicated, the amount of time wearing a corset will be basically equal to how long the effects lasts. In other words, if you waist train seriously for a year, and stop wearing it, your body will most likely return to it’s original shape gradually over the following year. After years of tight-lacing (continuous or on and off), some of this fat displacement will be permanent. The longer you waist train (years not hours), the longer the inches stay off. Keep in mind it takes at least 6 months before the body will really start to permanently move fat to different fat cells.

Second, is the repositioning of the floating ribs. This is harder to achieve than moving fat but the results are usually permanent. Your lower rib placement makes a huge difference on how well waist training works (especially if you have a small torso). The younger you start, the more permanent the body change. That doesn’t mean it won’t help anyone, of any age, take at least a few inches off their waist.

Best advice I can give on long term or permanent waistline changes —

…how much time (both years and hours) you spend waist training, matters more than how tight it is. Go slow and listen to your body.

I would tell any woman that wants a smaller waist or a flatter stomach to wear some type of waist controller. Anything. If worn tight enough and regularly, it can work to displace a little fat. It also teaches a girl to stand up straight, and suck it in, which along with building abdominal muscles and improving posture, just simply makes her look better. Using store bought, inexpensive waist controllers is the perfect first step to tightlacing. It’s more comfortable, easier to get on and off and starts to prepare your body and mind for the waist training process.

TTC: “Go slow and listen to your body.” Good advice for any sort of change! After getting crushed at Mardi Gras, my abs were sore, hard, and kind of distended for weeks. Using a waist cincher really helped pull them back in and relieve a lot of pressure from movement. They are STILL sore, and I’m hoping that a little bit of waist training (and more squats and kettlebell swings) will put those muscles back to right.

ABB: Exactly! We live in a society of quick conveniences but anyone who has ever produced real change in their life, knows it’s a slow arduous process.

I’ve read a lot of stories about women fighting scoliosis and other back problems with tight-lacing. Waist training/corsetry has always been viewed through a political lens (always). Most information we’ve been fed about tight-lacing from the past is fraudulent feminist propaganda, because of this, and the continued spreading of these myths, it’s almost impossible to know if there are any real health benefits from tight-lacing.

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I’m kind of built like a 2×4: long and slender with no waistline, hips or bust; I always have been built that way, and I’m pretty solid. Do you think that a corset would give me a waistline?

ABB: You are not built like a 2×4. I would give a lot to have your long slender legs.
Short answer, yes, if you’re committed and do it right, it will take inches off your waist.
How many inches is the real question?
Wearing a corset, 8 to 12 hours a day for a year, can take 4 to 6 inches off a normal (not obese or rail thin) woman’s waist. But a lot of things influences how many inches will come off: Body type, hours spent wearing it, the fit, how often, how tight, and unfortunately to some extent, age.
**These are my experiences and observations – waist training is very popular with burlesque dancers**

TTC: LOL, I didn’t mean anything bad by the 2×4 comment, but even when I was super skinny (5’9” and 115lbs) graduating high school, I never had a single curve (I’ll try to find a picture in a bikini) and didn’t even have boobs until I was about 35. I have noticed, since I went Paleo/Primal in 2008, that my body has changed shape on its own without any help from me using waist cinchers. I had funky little skinny-fat fat deposits in weird places; they all went away, and I developed breasts and a tiny amount of hips. I think that I could further benefit from a tiny bit of waist training, but I think that extreme tight-lacing might not be a good idea given my *cough* advanced age 🙂

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Do you wear corsets under or over your clothes? Do you wear them for decoration, support, or both? How noticeable are corsets when wearing them under clothes for support? Are there different types of fabrics that show them more?

ABB: I’ve worn over, under and only. I like peek-a-boos for under my clothes. These usually have waist cinchers but are structured and embellished at the bust(to peek out). Wearing these, I essentially out myself for wearing a corset and create a sexy “what does she have on under that?” excitement. If burlesque taught me anything, it’s that men like to be visually teased, but leaving some things to the imagination is usually more powerful.

My closet is full of different styles of corsets for different types of occasions. Most of what I own are not true corsets, but the shape is flattering on me. I do have two nice “going out” corsets. These are not appropriate for most events, I only get a chance to wear them a few times a year. My lingerie corsets– I probably have 50 or more of these (lol). I can’t resist buying them. I keep one nice tight lacing corset, just in case. 🙂

There are specific types of corsets to be worn under your clothes. These are great body shapers, tighter than fashion or outer corsets. I think satin is the most comfortable and the least noticeable. Usually, depending on well it fits, you won’t see it through the clothing. Mostly, a corset gives itself away with extreme body shapes, or fat bulging over or under the corset. I also notice the awkward stiff movements it can cause in a novice wearer, but most probably wouldn’t. They can be really flattering with the right tight waisted dress, or if the girl wearing it has the body for it. Many underclothes corsets have garters, which I personally love, it’s my primary reason for wearing one.

What is your favorite thing about wearing corsets?

ABB: A corset forces me to move more deliberately; adds more sensuality to my movements. Walking, bending, taking a seat, eating, even just standing, are all done with a corset inspired feminine grace. Mostly, the process of putting one on, and just wearing it, is in itself, a boost to my femininity. The absolute best part for me…
I feel and look sexier.

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Is there anything left that we should discuss that I haven’t asked?

ABB: The only things we didn’t discuss(i think), that we should, is breathing and other health concerns.

It can be difficult to breathe from the lower lobe or the diaphragm when laced in a corset. Some women can’t get passed the feeling of not being able to catch their breath. This just takes practice. It can be done. If an opera soprano can learn to sing while tight-laced, surely we can learn to breathe just doing normal daily things.

In order to see any organ movement from tightlacing a woman must lose at least 30% of her waist measurement. I have no personal experience with that, but I have talked to a few girls that do, it can be painful and have unpredictable consequences. If someone is going to take waist training this far, she needs a support community and/or a doctor that understands and supports tightlacing(they do exist).

As for other health concerns, almost every single purposed health risk has been debunked, but do your research before you start lacing. Most important, listen to your body.

I recommend reading this book The Corset: A Cultural History by Valerie Steele
even though it’s written by a fashion historian, it answers a lot of questions about health risks and the truth behind past politics of the corset.

Thank you.
Arya

 

Thank you Arya Blue for answering my questions! I’m completely fascinated by the whole concept and hope to get a real corset in the near future. I did get a cheap one off of Amazon, and it is a lot stronger that I thought it would be. I replaced the wimpy, short ribbon for a five foot grosgrain ribbon and it works pretty well. The corset is way too short though – I’m pretty long.

The Mardi Gras Meetup of Mass Destruction

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Just as my brain cells were finally starting to recover from The Las Vegas Meetup of Doom, reservations were confirmed for the Mardi Gras Meetup of Mass Destruction! Holy Moly, 6 days and nights in beautiful New Orleans, from Thursday February 27th through Wednesday March 5th.

Mitch got a couple of rooms at the Baymont Inn and Suites just outside Six Flags, which also sounds like a bunch of fun; maybe I’ll go get my roller coaster on. Danny has a balcony for us to hang on for the festivities, and someone mentioned a driver and van to shuttle us to and from the French Quarter.

As far as I know, the people who have confirmed their intention to go are the same as Las Vegas: Mitch, Danny, MANdatory, Dr. Illusion, Mistress, DoktorBill, and me. Then I saw that Matt Forney will also be attending, so that will be awesome! I’d say that if anyone else plans on going, get yourself a room at the Baymont, and get the two queen beds in case someone needs to bunk with you.

The Las Vegas meetup was extraordinary because as I met everyone, the minute we met it was as if I had known them forever. I’ve never had that happen before, but talking to them all, they had the same experience. Hopefully it will be the same when I meet everyone in New Orleans!

Danny’s Announcement

Mitch’s Announcement

A Little Hope

lurkers

Danabanana9 did a really cool thing on the RedPillWoman subreddit; she called out all the lurkers. We are a super tiny subreddit that is heavily trolled and has a banned list of about 600 strong. But when she called out the lurkers it was so heartening.

[–]MetaMomma 8 points 2 days ago (11|3)

Semi-lurker. I’m a housewife and mother. I enjoy a lot of the redpill material, specifically Athol Kay’s stuff.

It’s all pretty relevant to the way my husband and I already behave in our relationship. I read the posts here for validation, because I get a lot of grief about of relationship from people in my family. When I come here and read the threads, I know that I’m not the only “First Officer” in the world.

[–]Codeegirl 8 points 2 days ago (10|2)

Semi new semi lurker. I’m very independent and firmly believe that I need an equal in a relationship. Came across trp and got curious. I’m realizing how different men and women really are. Equal as far as value, just different. Also noticing that I appreciate my SO’s maleness. I’m finding that both subreddits are helping me to understand him a lot better, therefore I’m happier at home . Very glad that there’s a place for us to talk about trp. Typical female trait, a lot of communicating 😉

[–]frickthis 5 points 2 days ago (6|1)

Another lurker here, my thought process is similar. I’m single at the moment, and I believe that my previous inability to do anything nice for my ex is a big reason why. I felt kind of trained against cooking and cleaning and being feminine. It’s all very extremist and confusing. I do enjoy reading things from this perspective.

[–]pinkantlers 5 points 2 days ago (6|1)

Hi! Another lurker here. I’m very new to RPW, just trying to figure out whether it’s for me and my relationship. I’m in my mid 20s, just graduated university, and in a long term co-habiting relationship of just over 2 years. Like a lot of ladies in this thread it seems I am a feminist in the general sense, and I do believe in a lot of feminist ideals. However, I feel like feminism really fails women because it seems to focus on an idealised world that doesn’t exist, and tells women ‘you should be able to do whatever you want’. We all know that this just isn’t the reality, and basically that’s what lead me to RPW. In terms of my relationship, I was already all about respecting my man and complimenting, rather than competing with each other. I love him and like him enormously, he’s the no.1 person in my life, so making him happy makes me happy. I’m learning a lot from RPW and starting to implement some changes in my relationship by changing how I act, it seems to be going well, and we’re both very happy. Most importantly, I think I’m finally letting him be who he is, rather than who he’s been forced to be by a lifetime of shrew women and a previous bad relationship where he got no respect and his sexuality wasn’t allowed to thrive. I love the changes I’m seeing in myself too, I’m by no means a doormat and accomplish a lot myself but my personality tends towards being ‘caregiver’ and ‘supporter’. So taking care of people really makes me feel fulfilled. I love cooking and making a nice cosy home. I was already pretty femme, I love dresses, doing my nails and makeup, so I’m letting myself realise this is a good thing 🙂 Think that’s all for now ladies, I’ll probably make a new thread at some point for some more questions I have.

[–]valkyrieone[+1] 3 points 1 day ago (3|0)

Long time lurker but I haven’t come up with any real questions as of yet. I’m more of sitting in the back learning, observing, and absorbing a lot of this great information before I have anything constructive to add to the conversation. I have always had RPW tendencies but for now I am going to continue to sit back and take some more notes.

[–]menina_realista[+1] 3 points 1 day ago* (3|0)

Lurker here of several months. Last summer on my 20th birthday I finally realized my toxic, emotionally abusive LTR of 3 years was only going to waste my window to find a good life partner. (He convinced me that I was unattractive and that I wouldn’t find anyone better.) What the hell was I thinking staying so long? I decided then: no more using my heart before using my brain. I wanted an alpha, not an a-hole.

Now I’m dating someone I used to know… he was there the whole time but I didn’t see him. He’s amazing, he could get a way hotter girl, a more exciting girl, and has… but he chose me, tells me I’m beautiful, shows me off to friends and family and treats me like I’m valuable. It’s surreal. The reason I have a healthier heart and mind is because RPW showed me what to look for to find a real alpha and not fall for the insecure imposters.

This one downright made me all teary-eyed:

[–]veolia84 3 points 1 day ago (3|0)

Semi-lurker here. I feel like I’ve always had a rather RP mindset in terms of my behavior and relationships, but asides from my mother and long (LONG) distance half sisters, I couldn’t find any other women who held these beliefs. It’s rather isolating at times, considering the women in my social group still buy into post-modern, 3rd wave feminism.

I’ve always been plagued by an incessant existential emptiness, gnawing away and expressing itself as concurrent depression and anxiety. I was one of those women who had no “reason” to be depressed, yet I was choking down anti-depressants and bellyaching to a therapi$t every week. None of it made me happier, nor did it tamper my existential dread.

So when I discovered the red pill, accepted it, and started expressing my feminine characteristics (rather than suppressing them and having them come out as mean girl bitchiness cloaked as “activism”), its like that long standing existential dread just….vanished. Not to say I’m happy, since that is an ephemeral state, but I’m definitely content, blessed, and grateful. lol its funny cause I never in a million years thought I be one of those women who go on and on about how blessed they are. 😉

I no longer worry about everything, I no longer feel empty and sad for no reason, but sometimes I do feel angry. Angry that I wasted so much time+money feeling sorry for myself, and putting my liver at risk with those anti-Ds by doing what every young woman does when shes kinda upset; flounce off to a therapist (aka paying someone to agree with you and give you fancy sounding labels that you can brandish as a weapon, shield, or use as a get out of jail free card).

In any case, things have greatly improved in my life and my relationship with my husband once I accepted the red pill. One thing I’ve recently noticed is that I get..ahem, excited when my husband orders me around. Before the red pill I would have been angry, indignant, and turned on, but in the spirit of ideological purity I would suppress my sexual response, hold on to the anger/indignation, and throw myself a pity party with my lady friends. “god, can you believe what he asked of me?! how dare he! what does he think, I’m his slave?”

Now I just answer “yes sir”, do the task, and feel proud or horny when he simply thanks me for completing the task. 😀

The whole exchange gave me a little hope. I mean, it’s reddit, which is troll heaven, but occasionally we get through to someone. Lately I had been starting to feel like I was beating my head against the brick wall that is reddit, so this happened at a very good time!

Marry the Lieutenant

 

will-you-marry-meI know a lot of Grass is Always Greener women; I know women who can never find a man good enough for them. I know one perpetually single woman that once broke up with really cute, funny guy because of his handwriting. That’s what she said anyway; the truth was probably something she didn’t want to admit, it was probably closer to he didn’t have money. Of course he didn’t, he was in college.

I see some women going through these scenarios time and time again until they just physically cannot attract a man any longer. Ace had an excellent post comparing these women to animated GIFs:

Animated .gif images creep me the fuck out.
I watch them keep running through the same action.
Over and over and over again.

Since I’m older and I have seen the long-term results of this attitude, I want to warn the younger women against it, but they would never listen. There is too much cheap validation out there that makes them think that they can trade up forever. And they can trade up, but not forever.

The thing is that they rarely trade up. They have a perfectly great guy, but he isn’t exciting enough. He isn’t tall enough or her friends don’t swoon over him. His job isn’t prestigious enough; he didn’t graduate college to start at the top of his field. He’s kind of boring; he’s always studying, he works too many hours. That guy at the bar is exciting, hot and he sends tingles up her spine.

Today’s young women have no idea of the dynamics of relationships in the past; they don’t want to choose a work in progress, they expect their potential mate to already have everything figured out. They don’t want to start out with a young man and work towards a future together, poor but happy. They want it all to start with.

They don’t want to invest in a man. They don’t want to marry the Lieutenant and help him grow to be a General, they want the General now. They want to start their adult life with all of the perks, the house and the vacations. But they don’t want someone old; they want someone young and exciting.

Stingray had a great post, The Advantage of Youth, in which a lot of us married women talked in the comments about how our relationships were in the beginning when both we and our spouses were young. The thing about couples getting together young is that the men not only had potential, but they were full of the excitement of youth:

That’s why I think that young should marry young. Both of them. That way the man will remember his wife as fresh and young and the woman will remember her husband as exciting and on the verge of conquering the world.

Women today have a hundred-point list of requirements for a potential mate. What they don’t realize is the power women have over men. Instead of looking for those hundred points, why not help a man attain those points? You can build a man up or tear him down; why not find a man and be his helpmate and work together with him to make him into the man you want?

Well, for one thing, that sounds like a lot of work. It doesn’t sound very exciting. Who wants to work on a relationship when there are all of those fun nights at the bar with exciting guys chasing you? Society today is an instant gratification one, and people just don’t really think things out for the future.

I don’t have much hope of large amounts of young women ignoring all of the free validation they receive in the way of facebook and other social media, and actually latching onto, for life, a young man with potential. I see young women having relationships and more relationships and maybe oopsie, pregnant with one of them, maybe oopsie with more than one of them. It’s a disposable world with a lot of disposable girls.

Las Vegas on the Cheap

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[Here’s Mitch’s Las Vegas Primer. I was supposed to cross-post, and I’m not really sure how I screwed that one up; my only excuse is that I’ve been really busy catching up on work to go to Vegas, and the more numbers that go through my head, the less bright I become. Those are the times I concentrate on smiling and looking pretty, so that’s probably about all I’ll be able to do when I finally get there. P.S. this took about 10 minutes to type :/ ]

In honor of our upcoming trip to Vegas, I will let you know how we did the cheap thing there in the past. Most of these won’t apply to this trip because we are staying somewhere nice and safe, but you can never be too careful.

The first thing you should know is that cheap in Vegas means dangerous. The more a place costs, the safer it is. Downtown Fremont Street is cheap to stay and to gamble, but it is very dangerous. The more a place costs, the nicer it is, the more they pay for security, and the safer it is. I like Fremont Street, in spite of the danger; everything is close together and there’s a Walgreens if you forgot to pack something.

Downtown at night, about a third of all people are predators, a third are security and the remaining third are marks (you, lol). That homeless looking guy with no teeth sitting on the trashcan is security. Whatever you do, do not do a bunch of mushrooms and go to Fremont to watch the laser show. A shit-eating grin is to predators like fresh brains are to a zombie. A, uh, friend told me 🙂

Do not take anything to Vegas that you can’t replace. If you take extra jewelry, carry it with you. Do not leave anything of any value (cash, credit cards, jewelry, cameras, etc.) in your hotel room because you luggage will be riffled daily if you are staying somewhere cheap. Those hiding places that you think are really good are the first places the thieves look. Carry everything of any value with you at all times. The best plan is to leave anything at home that you might cry if you lost.

Bring doorstops with you and use them on the adjoining room doors. I think it is against fire codes to use them on the main door, but you can always use a chair on that one. Carry a messenger’s bag instead of a purse. It is big enough to hold everything, it can easily be worn across your torso, the large flap across the front is hard to reach into, and the straps are thick enough to deter a purse-snatcher. You can get a good, cheap one at the Army Surplus. Plus it has plenty of room for your flask.

I haven’t been to Vegas in a couple of years, but I go every few years for the last 20 years. It can be a pretty expensive place to party if you are just wandering around and not gambling. Last time I was there, it cost $6 for a Miller Lite at a casino bar downtown, and that’s cheap. I think it cost $9 for one at Margaritaville on the Strip. This adds up fast over the course of a day.

To get a free drink while out wandering around, go up to the bar and sit down at one of the poker machines. Put a $20 in the machine and play it (they actually have pretty good odds, and you will usually come out of it with the same $20 you put into it). The bartender will give you a chit to sign, and you sign it and give him a tip. Note: you can only do this to each bar every few hours, because the bartenders have strict rules, but usually each casino will have two or three different bars, so you can get pretty trashed after two or three casinos.

Another thing is that there are convenience stores that sell beer and sometimes booze. If all you are doing is wandering around seeing the sights, go in one of those, get a beer, and walk around with that. I have an 8oz flask that I will be wandering around with. Then there’s that whole drinking in your room before leaving it. Some people go to Vegas strictly to gamble, so their drinking is taken care of, but I usually end up wandering around most of the time.

Sign up for the Player’s Club. This won’t do a damn thing for you if you play the slots, but if you play table games, you can get some serious comps. We ate many a meal on the casino. We heard that you can also get room upgrades and other comps as well. I probably will only do this at my home casino because when you are with a group of people gambling, they are usually pretty mobile.

Always put out a $100 when you use your players card. It gives you comps out the wazoo, but you still need to gamble like you colored up for $20. American male dealers (croupiers) are the best because you can get them talking, they get into a rhythm, and you can bet according to numbers that have previously come up. Nuthin’ sweeter than a repeater! Asian females are the worst because they will not talk to you, they are completely random, and they play too fast to get a good grip on the table. While playing, if you have used your players card, ask for a meal.

If you jaywalk, the cabs will run you down and the cops will issue you a $90 ticket. Vegas is hard-core about jaywalking. Don’t do it. Do not do what we did and decide to jaywalk out to take a good picture of the Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas sign. It is very dangerous and stupid, and the cops will circle you like sharks. I have heard that since we did that, Vegas has put a parking lot by the sign so that people can safely go out to there.

Start every adventure, especially bus (The Deuce) adventures, with a bottle of water. Do ride The Deuce (a double-decker bus that goes to downtown and the strip). Buy the 24 hour pass for $5 and ride it in the morning. Don’t try to ride the Deuce at night because it stops so often and for so long that walking is faster; if you need to go somewhere at night either walk or take a cab (you could do a limo of course, but that’ll cost you). We like to ride in the front window upstairs of the Deuce. You can ride around all morning and get a good view of all of Vegas.

Rent Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas to watch before going to get you in the right spirit. It is a good training film. Oh yeah, if you expect to go to the revolving bar in Circus Circus to get smashed and recreate the famous scene from the movie, you can’t. It is closed. Sometimes you just can’t go home again. Now Circus Circus is a kiddie place where you play games for stuffed animals.

Have T-shirts made before you go that say “I don’t want to buy a ticket/time-share”, because you will be inundated by salespeople hawking those. Maybe make a T-shirt for the girls that say “Not for Hire” because if you stand outside the men’s restroom waiting for your husband, you will get a lot of offers for a “date”. Go for it and make some extra cash for the trip! It stays in Vegas! (oh yeah, except for The Herp – you take that home with you).